Yummy Veggie Soup.....

I just finished a yummy bowl of veggie soup that my Mom made. I really do like most soups alot...I find them comforting. Today has been a good day especially since again last night I slept like 3 hours. Nan and I were talking today with all that is going on it is probably for sure the bipolar kicking in. I have some medication that I can take PRN so decided to start taking that today to hopefully get things under control more. I am sure glad that it is a warmer day out. I had one of my favorite drivers pick me up from my appointment and we had a good talk. Alan is a really nice man and easy to talk to also.
Tonight I plan to watch some t.v. and hang out with Gracie. She has really wanted to be petted more and needing more attention which I am giving to her. I can tell that she is in some pain because there are certain areas on her back that she flinches when I touch them. It is not severe but still it makes me sad for her. She is still though her happy self most of the time and is eating and wanting to play ball and such so that is good.
Well that has been it for my day...therapy and playing on the computer and with Gracie...

Running again on 3 hours sleep............

again last night I got 3 hours sleep. My day has been kind of a difficult one between the bipolar and also my pain level. I did make it to church...it was hard between the pain and a racing mind to sit during the service but I did. Mom and I went out to eat...it was good but the man who took the order forgot to add two salads not just one and then overcharged us. We talked to the manager and he said that the bill was correct but did not add the salad that the man who was taking the orders forgot. It is good food not just that pricey good.
I am not sure what to do with myself today.......Gracie is wanting lots of attention today. It seems like every time she wants to go outside she gets out there and barks and barks so she has to come back in. I think she wants everyone to know she hurts with her arthritis. I will be glad when we are done with rain for a few days at least. I think we both could use a nap....but even if I did try to nap and did fall asleep it would mess with tonight and sleeping I think. I could not find a book to delve into yesterday like I had wanted to do......there are some shows that I like on t.v. tonight so probably will try to watch those.

Saturday Ramblings.............

I only slept 3 hours last night! I am thinking that I am having a bipolar cycle...I am not sleeping...I don't want to take my medications but I do take them...I do not want to eat... Today my physical pain has been really intense...so between my physical body hurting and tired and my mind racing I have not gotten much at all done today. Mom took me on the errand that I needed to do so did get that done. I am doing some laundry more because I really need to do so even today laundry seems like a huge task. Today I have written some emails and read some blogs....I want to find a book that I can read to hopefully slow down my brain some. Today is one of those days I am feeling lonely. I need to find something to focus on to take my mind off of myself. One positive is that these cycles used to really get me upset and now I just know it is part of being bipolar. Well I think that I might try to find a book to delve into................

Busy day...............

after another night of not sleeping much. It has been a good day though....met with my case manager at Borders so treated myself to a vanilla latte with a shot of caramel.....went over to my Mom's to have lunch with her and my nephew J. J is having a difficult time of life right now with his wife wanting a divorce and moving miles away etc etc...TMI for a blog but my heart aches for him right now and for the children.....i still love T his wife but I do not like her much these days. Tonight I went to one of the small groups from church and it was really good. We had a really good discussion about a passage towards the end of James. I had to leave early due to my ride coming...I just need to schedule the rides for a later time.
Speaking of sleep again I wonder if it is bi-polar kicking in which is common with people who have bipolar this time of year or is it just a time when I have lots on my mind to think about. I try to not stress out about the sleep or lack there of because it just makes it worse. I think that I will see how the weekend goes and if it continues than I think that I will know that it is the bipolar. Tomorrow I have to get up and out of my place early for me so hoping that I do not oversleep.
I find myself very thankful tonight...thankful for friends...thankful for family...thankful that i do have a roof over my head and that most of the bills get paid each month...thankful for the resources that i have that many others who struggle with mental illnesses do not have...i also than find myself wanting everyone who struggles with mental illnesses or physical issues have the resources that i did. oh and let me not forget thankful for blogger buddies...
I am kind of hungry and kind of not so trying to decide if I am going to eat anything or not....I do not like to eat this late but have not eaten since lunch....if I do not eat and am kind of hungry when I try to sleep that makes me not sleep as well....perhaps i will have a teaspoon or two of peanut butter. i have heard not sure if it is true that it helps make one sleep...has anyone else heard that before?
gracie is sleeping behind me and i feel bad when i get done with the computer and i have to have her get up so that i can move the chair and such. she usually is alright with it just stands up and backs away and then when i get out of her way she goes back to the same spot or she knows that i am getting ready to go to bed so will go into the bedroom and get on her bed. speaking of gracie i signed up to take some surveys and one is that she gets to try a new type of chewbone that a company wants to put on the market...so she got some free bones and free treats to try and then in a week i fill out the survey on how she liked them. she ate one so far and seemed to like it...at first it did not seem like she would but then she did. it is one that takes lots of knawing for her which is good for her teeth...she can chew some of them really fast. this one took her about 20 minutes and it was just a medium sized bone. she sure loves bones and her teeth are really healthy for which i am grateful. i can tell her arthritis is getting worse which makes me sad. it seems like some days we both have it really bad..it is interesting how the rainy weather seems to affect her arthritis just like it does us humans. i think we both will be in some pain for a few days because it is predicted to be dry tomorrow and then rain like four days in a row.
well i want to email a few people and then try to slow my brain down and head to bed soon.

Sleep Issues

My sleep continues to be off and on more off than on...I am trying not to nap today so hoping that I will sleep tonight. It is too long of a story to get into on the blog but the pedicures for Mom and I did not happen. We are going to go this coming week I think.
The session I had with Nan was very productive...I have not been productive since I got home. It is amazing how a 50 minute therapy session can tire one so much and yet my brain keeps going and going and going....

Awake ALL Night.................

I was awake ALL night! It was one of those nights where my brain did not turn off...and of course it was not happy thoughts. It did not help that I slept so much yesterday and with getting up so late yesterday was unable to take some of my medications. It did not help too that my brain keeps rehashing some old memories that believe me are not good ones. I did get it together to get up and dressed because Steve was coming over to give me some estimates for fixing the shower and such.
Today I am getting a pedicure! I have never had one before...neither has my mom and we are both going to get one. My friend S recommended the beauty school close to her that they are both good and inexpensive. It really seems like a luxery in a way with all of the money issues going on with Mom and I but we both need one and I think we both could use some pampering.
Food was not good yesterday. I think that I am going to start trying to remember to write down what I eat and when I eat it and what was going on...emotions and where I was and such. I have decided since it is going to be at least 6 months until the process can begin that the more that I document the faster it will go with the insurance company deciding if they will authorize the operation. I try to remind myself that I am REALLY doing better at not binging. So some ideas if one feels like sharing what helps you if you struggle with food issues and how do you avoid binging when you really want to escape and such.
I want to focus again on lj's because it really does help me to think of not just the bad and the hard and the frustrating but also the good things that happen....i really enjoyed american idol last evening...it is a spring like day with the sun shining and the temperature is 57 degrees...even though i was awake all night i did not eat or binge...i really enjoy being connected with other blogger buddies...coca cola zero to me tastes more like regular pop than diet pop.....having a manicure later on today...
i was SO glad that i checked on my trips for tomorrow today! there was nothing in the computer about it so made them for tomorrow and then someone came to the door for a ride i had scheduled and that is when i figured out that they had put in the trip for today and not tomorrow. i really was so glad that i checked! tomorrow someone from church is going to see nan with me to help find out how that they can help me with the mental illnesses and such...i am SO blessed to be a part of a church that accepts me as I am and everybody as he or she is and encourages us all to be better Jesus loving people. so i enjoy asking a question and what people share....so i think that my question for today is have you had a manicure before and if so was it a positive experience for you?

Tired Tuesday

Today has been a very uneventful day as far as getting things done but a very eventful day with LOTS going on in my brain with thoughts that I cannot get rid of. I slept in and stayed in bed for a few hours after that...Gracie also slept that whole time that I was asleep and even when I just stayed in bed. I think she was worn out after yesterday. She did allow me to put the ointment on her today...I know that she is feeling less sore today since she did not fight me and I know it must make her feel better too.. The area where they had to shave looks much better today too. O.K. this is probably TMI about my dog but hey that is what I have today to talk about. I did call Nan and she called me back so we talked for a few minutes and it helped some she gave me some good ideas. Tonight is American Idol so plan to watch that. I am wondering with sleeping in and than laying in bed for a few hours will mess up my sleep tonight...well if it does it does. and I will just have to deal with it. I hope that you all are having a good day and have a relxing enjoyable evening.

Monday Mumblings

Today has been a mixed up day of the good and the not so good and the frustrating...the good was having a good appointment with nan and getting much done....having fun playing with gracie....mom buying me dinner...enjoying the conversations that i had with the mainstream drivers on my rides...getting a email from my nephew b and his wife mb...the not so good was having to take gracie to get her rear end shaved and as we were waiting watching her tremble and trying to comfort her even though i knew she had to have it done. the rooms were full so they took her in the back and sweet thing she got so upset that she pooped while they were taking care of her. they are really kind at the vet office and did not seem to get mad at her just cleaned her up and such....she enjoyed a cheeseburger minus the bun while we were eating our kfc dinners.....i ended up going into walgreens to buy some candy and a pint of ice cream because i was so upset about a phone call i had earlier in the day. i dislike it when i at times still turn to food...i have not eaten it yet though and am reminding myself as i type this that i am binging lots lots less and am really trying on most days to eat better....so the frustrating is this...i called fresh start which is the name of the program which i have planned to have the bariatric operation because they have the best stats and i really admire their program. i heard the doctor speak and one of the men i go to church with is on the team and i think of them all highly...i called today to check about if they knew more now about when they would get the ??? whatever it is that they need to have so that medicare and medicaid will accept them and now it is looking like september. i really wanted to have it be this summer but looks like it will not be. the other thing see is once the insurances will let me go to them the insurance takes it on a case by case if they then will authorize the operation for me....which makes it even longer of a process. i was trying to calm myself down and was thinking i should lose weight anyway before the operation and this will give me more time to really get more serious and also i have got to got to got to exercise and get to swimming which is the only type exercise that i can really do with the bad shape that my legs and knees are in. i guess again i need to let go and let God do what He has planned in His timing. i know that i am not willing and God has shown me go to any of the other programs that really have much worse stats than this program. i am feeling better too after talking to mom. she was able to remind me of some of the positives that can happen with having to wait and such. she also was encouraging me on the things that i am doing and trying to do.....i am more calm now. i think that i am going to see how much it would cost me out of pocket to go and talk to the doctor and see what things he sees that i should be doing to be more ready and also what types of food plans does he think works best for someone like me....i think today my spiral down is due to not wanting to have to depend on a scooter in the future. o.k. so those of you who stop by to read what are some lj's that you have been experiencing...i think that the good from today counts as my lj's.....
OH mom talked to my cousin brian today. he is doing better. they let him eat today after being on a clear liquid diet. he is still really weak and the doctors want him to go to a rehab place for awhile. he really does not want to go but another cousin of mine stephanie works at one and her husband david told brian why did he not try to go there where he would know someone who works there and who could stop in often and check on him. they are going to get brian a cane because they want him to walk but due to being so weak it is hard for him to do. well i think that i am going to watch some t.v. and take my night time medications and try to relax. gracie is one worn out doggie so she i think is asleep for the night but will follow me from my main room to the bedroom when i go there....

HAPPY EASTER

I hope that you all have a blessed Easter. It is a time to reflect not only what the cross and Jesus raising from the dead has done for us eternally yet also what impact that it can have in our day to day living. If you are one who does not celebrate Easter than perhaps I think it is a good time to focus on the beginings of spring. God bless each and everyone of you with peace and joy and a deeper knowledge of God's love for you.

saturday......................

as i sit here i am enjoying the music on the radio....enjoying some homemade beef and noodles mom made for me so yummy with homemade noodles...enjoying reading blogs and enjoying writing too... and gracie is enjoying a bone....so starting out with some lj's. : )
today has been a good day so far...i slept pretty good without night terrors so that is good. i went to the prayer vigil for a couple of hours. it is always interesting to see what people write and list out as requests and praises. i spent a good amount of time reading the psalms as prayers and also reading the words to some of the worship songs that we sing at church. the afternoon was quiet with during the time that i was there not many people at all in fact for some time it was just pastor jeff and i. we had some good conversations. he is one of those people who is easy for me to talk to and we relate really well. i was able to pass up eating any of the goodies that people had brought so was pleased with myself for making that decision. i have been really enjoying the little packs of cookies that are only 100 calories at a time though i have been eating like two packages at a time which is not great but still kind of low on the calories.
it snowed today! it did not stick yet it was surprizing to me when i let gracie out this morning to see the snow just very very light. it was kind of pretty but i was glad when i stopped it. i tell you the weather in ohio can be so strange! people who live in ohio often say if you are not happy with the weather just wait a few hours and most likely it will change. i am ready for spring to be here. i like not too hot or too cold i really like it when it is like between 55 and 70 degrees or so. i often think that i would enjoy someplace where it is warmer most of the time but i have too many connections here and my supports professional ones are so good and are here and friends and such plus i would not do well dealing with hurricanes.
i am so pleased that with tomorrow being Easter that there are some businesses closing. i just i guess am old fashioned but felt it was respectful and also beyond that good for the business owners to have a day closed like when they used to all be closed on sunday. i think that there are places in the south still are closed on sunday right? tomorrow i will go to church and then will as typical go with mom out to eat. my mom bought me a new shirt and if it is warm enough i think that i might wear it tomorrow. it is for sure a spring shirt with the light material and such. it was a sweet surprize when she bought my jeans she bought it for me. speaking of the jeans they are long so long that i have to have a cuff so when i wash them and they shrink some the length should be great..often times pants end up being shorter than i like them. i think too the next time we get them i can get a size smaller which i am exited about too. one more thing that has NOTHING to do with what i have been writing about but again i am hooked on bubble gum! i sure get addicted to things quickly. i also have switched to drinking instead of mainly diet pepsi drinking coca cola zero which tastes more like regular pop to me. what do you think? what kind of pop do you drink if you are one who drinks pop? that is the question of the day.

Update on Brian.......

Mom got an update yesterday about my cousin Brian. The doctors took him out of the induced coma and he did well with that. He has been moved out of ICU to a regular bed. He is doing somewhat better.....and is alert and talking. Thank you God.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER.....

Today has been a good day even with my not sleeping last night. I had a mini meltdown last evening after such a good day. I was not surprized with so much intense things going on yet as many people know melt downs are now fun at all. Teresa a friend from church I talked with her and she prayed for me and talked with me and got me to thinking about some things a different way...yet still my brain was sure busy last night.
Lunch was really good at Red Lobster. I had the pick two types of shrimp and oh it was so yummy! It was a good visit with my sister and brother in law...Mom had a good time too. I went to Dollar Tree afterwards and picked up a few things...the deals are so great there...such as 3 pairs of socks for a dollar...the type of big chew bones Gracie likes also for a dollar and oh they have a box of individual packs of cookies that each pack is 100 calories and they had two boxes for one dollar. Dollar Tree is one of my favorite stores because items in the store are actually all a dollar or two for a dollar...I dislike when the sign makes one think everything is a dollar and that is not true. I went also to Giant Eagle for some items. The store was really busy and stores being busy really does bring out some unfriendly people who do not want to wait...I really try to make an effort to be extra kind and friendly to people a challange some days more than others.
One thing that I am realizing is that Ohio has more services for people who struggle with mental illnesses than others from what people share. I do feel blesed even thought at times things are hard I try and remember that I do have things better than other states. It sounds weird but it also works in my good that I am considered SMD (severely mentally disabled) that is the term that they use if one has more than one mental illness....and as Nan and I were talking yesterday it is just a term used on paper to descibe people for things like services and such.I also know that with being hooked up with two of the best centers in this area and in the state has helped........the one center I see my doctor at and also my psychiatric doctor...the other one is where I have my case mananger from.I think also many people do not know all of the services that are availabe to them....there is a website that I want to find the address of and encourage people to go to becauuse with answering some questions one can know what he or she is elgible for. I think many people just do not know where to turn to find out what is available to them. I will try and do some searching this weekend hoping that I can find the website and share it with my blogger buddies.
Tonight starts the prayer vigil so am leaving here soon to go to it.......I will add lj's later on...............

Great Day..............

I have been in a really good mood lately even with night terrors can shake them off duringt the day and have been making appointments that I need to do and taking care of some things....I was concerned that I was getting manic and asked Nan about it today. Nan was able to tell me that no I was not manic I was just in a good mood. It just feels kind of strange I want to say....yet as I told Nan in a good way it feels strange. Today has been a busy day yet a good one.
I had my appointment with my doctor and it went really well. I was able to tell him that the new medicine we tried I could not take because it reminded me too much of using the feeling I would get and I knew that the likelyhood of my abusing it was high so that I would not take it. I am going to try just taking half of the dose of the medication that I have taken for years and now it makes my stomach upset so we will try that to see how it goes. Dr. Weiss is such a kind man and a great doctor. I had my appointment with Nan and that went well too. I talked about lots of things and got her opinions on some things. It is always a good feeling to me when I have a session and lots get accomplished. She says that I always work hard in our sessions yet some days I notice more than others.

It is so good to see the sun shining so bright today even though it was cold and even snowed a bit this morning. It is hard to believe it was just like two weeks ago when we had the blizzard! The thing that is interesting to me is just like there is seasonal affective disorder that people experience in the winter some people like myself who are bipolar experience it more in the spring time with the time change and the temperature change and such....I know it sounds weird but Nan and I were talking about Dr. Hill (who is the head of the center where I got) talking aobut in a meeting recently that more and more doctors and therapists are realizing that it is not just bipolar people who have it and it is a real seasonal affective disorder and it gets worse when like here it gets warm like in the 60's and then a winter blizzard the same week and such.

What are people doing this weekend? Tomorrow I am going out to celebrate my sister's birthday at Red Lobster. Tomorrow starting at 6:00 p.m. going till 6:00 p.m. on Saturday our church is having a prayer vigil so I am going tomorrow evening for a bit and than also on Saturday for a bit. I like how they make it a event for the kids too and have kids draw and such and then line the walls with paper that everyone can write down prayer requests and praises. I know during this time I will be thinking of my blogger buddies and praying for you all. Sunday is Easter and is a typical church morning for me...Mom and I are going to go out to Applebees for lunch and then not sure what else....
speaking of Applebees...which I think is a chain all over but anyway they know have where you can get an entree either small or regular size...the small entrees are plenty and when we checked with the waiter what we got which was stir fry came with 10 ounces of rice with the SMALL and with the REGULAR came with 20 ounces of rice!!!! I like rice but not that much at once!! I think it is kind of sad when our society is getting so that the regular plates are that big. They do have good food and I am glad that they have the smaller portions which is plenty!!
i have been doing much better with food and with not binging. I still find myself overeating but not binging. I have cut back on binging that some weeks now I go without a binge. I was amazed this past weekend since I did some things that for me were huge when it comes to emotional stuff and I did not binge. I did end up binging last night and it was mainly I think because of not eating well during the day which kind of sets up a binge when so hungry and also though it was not nearly as huge of a binge as is normal for me. I ate a pint of ice cream and a little bag of m&m's which by the way the seasoal raspberry chocolate ones are really good! one more thing about food is what also seems to help curb the binges is that i do not buy regular pop to keep at home and when i am out drink almost all of the time now ice tea or coffee. i know that i have lost weight but have not weighed myself due to not wanting to get discouraged if it is less than I think it is.... gosh I have been "chatty" today i guess that i should say "writey?" : )

lj's for today...seeing gracie delight in running in circles and then delight in getting a bone to chew...having my favorite kind of oatmeal for breakfast...talking with vicki the receptionist at the center and we have great conversations and lots of laughs together.... getting some things done just a few around home even though my pain is up today....having the doctor understand what i was saying and what i needed...kind of an lj and kind of proud of me is that i really wanted to order pizza today but when i do i typically binge and decided that i was bored with what i had at home and so ordered from the pizza place a salad and one brownie and the salad was one of those ones that is a meal and it was great and i felt satisfied with the one brownie too...celebrating the first day of spring....talking in the waiting room with this young woman who also goes to the center and my trying to encourage her to take care of herself.... remembering that may is coming soon and i will have been clean and sober 16 years with the help of God and others who have similar addictions...
my question for today is this.......are you more of a morning person or later in the day person? i am really NOT a morning person!!! for me an early morning is if i have to be someplace at 10:00 a.m. I do better when I stay up later and then sleep in till like noon and then start my day. I am getting a bit better because on appointment with Nan days I have to get up at 10:00 a.m. so I can be ready to leave at 11:30 a.m. I am also slow in the mornings when or in the afternoons when I get up. I was talking with someone about this I for some reason no matter if I have gotten lots of sleep or no sleep I function so much better after 12:00 noon. well i am going to send my mom an email "from gracie" thanking her for the bone that she got her which gracie loved. mom likes it when i type emails to her like it is gracie........: )

Emails.............

Today has found me emailing many people. Today has also found me being quite forgetful and kind of in the depths of my mental illnesses. It has not been a bad day at all just one where I did not get done what I wanted to get done...or remember at times what I wanted to get done...I did email two of my nephews and soon I will email the other two. It has been raining all night and all day...it is getting colder too to the point that it might snow tomorrow or tonight......brrr and Friday is the first day of spring!?!

I am looking foward to spending time with my sister and brother in law on her birthday which is Friday. I am also looking foward to spending time with my nephew a week from Friday when he will come to where we live to spend time with Mom and I. I do not have much to say I guess today...some lj's are...some treats for Gracie that are to help her joints that Mom found at the Dollar Tree...finding out I can use my EBT card at Walgreens......Diet Pepsi....cherry ice cream...O.K. those who have been reading my blog for awhile now or who I email back and forth with know almost anything cherry I like...being consistant on reading some in the Bible each day...my Mom bought me a pair of jeans and also a shirt (the shirt was a surprize) which will be nice for spring...getting my list made for twp of the people who is heading up this helping me with my place....having slept some hours straight thru and going back to sleep even though I had some nightmares last night.

Tomorrow I have to get up early for me and leave at 10:30 a.m. because I have a doctor appointment and a therapy appointment both at the same place so that is good. I will be back home then around 3:30 or so. It just will be kind of a long wait since I will get there about a half hour early and then have my fifteen minute appointment with the doctor and then wait about an hour and a half till therapy. I started getting a bag together tonight such with a book to read and then also going to take pop of course and a snack.....I just remembered too that I have two magazines that I have not read so I will get those togetheer and take those too so an lj is magazines that I have not read.........so how about lj's for you who read this?

Back Home

I had a really great meeting with Al my case manager! I am so so so thankful and am feeling so so so blessed to have a case manager who knows what he is doing! It looks like I will be elgible to get a home health aide who can help clean and run errands like going to the grocery store and things like that oh and probably help me make sure that I am organizing and taking my medications and organize things and such. I am usually more nervous than exited but I am really exited about it. It will most likely not be for a month or two by the time I do the paper work and things like that...yet still a really good and positive thing in my life.
Mom and I got togther and did our typical running errands. I do not mind the rain and if it was a warmer rain I would most likly stand out in it and soak it in...I like warm rains especially in the summer time. I was able to get what my sister wanted for her birthday and the idea she gave me was really something she wanted and also is inexpensive. We went to the co-op and then to Bob Evans to eat and I got salad and not the pancakes that I wanted yet really wanting to eat healthier. We then went to the Dollar Tree and also to Walgreens. I found out that Walgreens takes the EPT card which I am so happy about and yet so surprized about it.
Tonight I am doing some laundry and going to watch "American Idol" not really hooked on the show but do enjoy watching it some. Tomorrow my plan is to do laundry and clean and such. I enjoy days when I clean to not have to get out and just stay in some grubby clothes and such. I have to rest so much when I clean it takes me awhile to get things done so I clean for awhile and then stop for awhile back and forth and get more done that way.
I have felt really blessed lately by feeling so loved by God and His people. They are wanting to help me do some much needed things...they pray for me...they accept me with all of my mental illnesses and with my physical issues....they even accept me when I am in the midst of a spiral down and such. My mom is so helpful and does so much for me with running me places and buying things for me. I know with her age she is not always going to be able to do this and I need and want to be able to do some of these things on my own or with other people helping me so with getting the home health aide and such will help me be able to do that. O.K. some lj's for today are I do actually enjoy the sound of rain....having a great cup of coffee at Borders....finding what my sister wanted for her birthday and being able to afford it....having our favorite waiter at Bob Evans...having not binged today....so trying to think of a question of the day since I enjoy hearing people's responses....trying to think of a non food question....: ) o.k. what are your favorite animals to see when one visits a zoo? I really really like penguins and tigers and monkeys are my top 3 favorite i think

Tuesday

I slept really good last night though I did wake up thinking that people had broken in and such but it is such a huge help when I see Gracie sleeping sound so I know that we are safe and life is fine in our home. She has been barking more lately and I think it is her arthritis is bothering her more. I feel so bad for her. I need to get her back on the medication that helps her and I think that I can get that for her without having to take her back in which if I had to do so Mom would cover it but with money issues it would be easier if I did not have to do so.
It was sure rainy last night. I was glad that I got home before it poured and for now it has stopped so hoping that has stopped for now since it was quite heavy and I have to get out in about a half hour. I have to meet my case manager which by the way he seems like a really good guy and that he is going to be a good case mananger. I am so thankful to God for that!
I do not know anymore about Brian yet wanted to say thanks for all of the prayers. Mom and I are going to go out after my meeting and go get my birthday present to give to my sister on Friday. I hope that you all have a good day..........

update on brian

brian is now in a induced coma yet seems to be doing a bit better. he has gotten a very bad infection from an operation to change him from having a coloscomy to not having to have one. he had a tear in his bowels a year or so ago. one of the reasons he is so in critical condition is because he is a heavy smoker and his lungs have fluid in them. so a spark of hope thanks for praying.
yesterday at church i ended up listening to the teaching twice it was an amazing and convicting teaching. i also got lots of prayer which were such sweet times. it is always a blessing to get prayer yet it to me is even more sweet when i do not ask just someone comea up and asks if he or she can pray for you or even just come up and start praying like john did when we were worshiping. it was so right on when he prayed to without him even knowing all of the garbage that was going on in my brain.
i think there is going to be some much needed help that i need in the near future. i hope someday that i can help people as much as my church family helps me. i am in a good space today. i slept pretty good though i woke up at three and then would go back to sleep and awake and back and forth. i had a dream with a woman from church in it which i think that i am to share with her. i also had a bizzare like one of what some people call pizza dreams which had lots of my family in it but they were not like they typically are like my nephew who likes country music who is a t shirt and jeans type guy had a mohawk and bleached blond one and was wearing a baby blue leisure suit he did have on cowboy boots which is like him...but he was going to swim in that outfit! too funny to think about almost...the whole dream was like that.
i just got back from therapy and it went really good. i am looking foward to small group tonight. hope everyone has a really great day,

please pray

my cousin brian who is very young early 40 ish is not expected to live due to colon issues. please pray thanks

Prayer

I have I think decided that I need to have an online blog just for my own journaling. I need to pray more! God has called me to interceed and lately I have not been doing so good at it. Yes when I say that I am going to pray for someone I do but I find it lately to be short and I do not like it when I am just praying a few sentences for someone or something.
I know that lately there has been lack of really any comunication between one of my blogger buddies. It seems to me that the more that I mention God and prayer and such the less that I hear from this person. I am quite sad becaue I do care for this person lots...I often wonder how this person is. The person I need to trust in God that the person is alright and perhaps we were in each others lives just for a season in life.
I finished reading Matthew today. I reread James a few times. It sure is convicting! I want to get through the N.T and then start on the O.T....or perhaps I should read a bit from both each day. Anyone have any ideas about what works for them?
I thought that someone was going to be able to come over and help me today. The one dear friend could not come and I totally understood why and she called to let me know why and I am not upset with her....another person was to hopefully come over and was going to call about 1 12 hours ago to let me know and I am still waiting. I understand people run behind or have to change plans I totally understand that but just let me know people when you cannot make it and call around the time you said that you would call. Again I am NOT upset with my friend not being able to come over just upset with the other person he was not sure if he could but said that he would call that is what is frustrating to me.
Not much else is new with me today. I oh almost forgot some lj's....having coffee at borders last evening...having intense yet good conversation...having friends who care...oatmeal...being able to read the bible on the internet....a few of my lj's today.

Good day

It looks like I will be able to get out twice today which will be so so good for me....getting out with mom and then also getting out later with my friend Maureen. I am looking foward to both times. My mom and I did get to get together. It was really a nice time. We went to Bob Evans...and we both had salads...Mom being Mom would not let me pay for mine. I offered and told her a few times my plan was to pay for mine but no...and was not in the mood nor did I want to make the great time we were having turn bad by arguing by her blessing me. It is really raining today which is SO much better than the snow! The rain does make it hard to walk in the muddy grass which is the way I go so I do not have to walk down the step...I still ask people to be there so if I need to hold onto a hand that I can do that.
I just talked to my sweet young friend John! We had not talked since wow the begining of the year he has been really busy with college and moving and dating and such. It is ALWAYS such a blessing to spend time with him on the phone or in person! He is mature in many ways and also in many ways he acts his age (early 20's) and am many ways I act my age and in many ways I act younger then my age so we get along really good I have missed him so much. He is a light in my life. I am glad to hear that he is back in college. It is good to have friends that when you get to talk even if it has been awhile one can just pick up where you are and such. Good day it is yes a good day.

I did get to go..............

we were able to have about an hour and a half so that worked out fine. the food was good and it was really sweet that michelle paid for mine. kind of a funny we both thought the eating place in the mall was the tuesday resterant but it was a thi fridays and we both laughed because we both had it wrong and she had planned to use her gift card and she did not know until i mentioned it during dinner thinking she had caught on that it was not the place we kept saying it was.
my leg was in bad pain so we did not even try to walk in the mall. i felt really bad but she was o.k. with it. i know that i would not handle life as well as she does. she uses a wheelchair and is paralyzed in her lower body. i NEVER have heard her complain at all. i asked her once if she got ever upset with God about being paralyzed and she said no because it is all that she knows. she never has been able to walk.
i have been reading through the book of james again and it is so convicting. i was thinking of phrases that people use that has to be sad and even perhaps makes God angry such as the typical GDI....but also God forbid who are we as humans to say something like that! i have never i do not think said either of those not strutting myself just sharing i have found myself saying Jesus when i get upset and i mean it as a call out to Jesus to help me but people such as my mom tend to get really upset when i say it so i do try not to say it.
mom and i are getting together today. i left the motrin i bought in the car so i am getting that and also we are going to go to bob evans for lunch. it is an extra treat since michelle paid last evening that i can go out again this week. i hope my mom lets me pay for mine often she says oh you do not have much money which is true but she has some money issues herself....plus today i asked if she wanted to go out and we each pay for our own and she said yes so hoping we can do it that way.
michael g. who is a pastor at the church that i go to found out that his stepmom has cancer that they found out about recently. today she was to have an operation on it. his mom died four years ago from cancer so it is so sad and it is sad that cancer is so rampant in today's scciety one wonders or at least i do what all is our society doing that causes so much cancer. please pray for michael and his whole family and his dad going through this with another wife. please pray

o.k. i know switching topics quickly but i think in life as hard as life can be it is good to think of lj's....such as getting together with a good friend and having good conversations and laughter...having one's dog think that you are wonderful no matter how long you have been gone or even if she is miffed because you stopped petting her to go take a shower...having clean and decent shows on t.v. to watch...computer and blogs with people being able to share their lives with each other........
question of the day is......what are you doing this weekend?

frustration

mainstream is running about a half hour late or more and i am meeting michelle at the mall for dinner so hopefully i will get there in time so that we can spend some time together and eat! it is five right now and the return trip is at 7:15 and it will probably be a half hour drive to the mall when the driver gets here. i am also frustrated because i wanted an earlier trip but they would not give it to me due to scheduling so bit frustrated...was looking foward to a good meal and some good conversation.....hopefully michelle and i can have some time together. i was to be therer now.

Noodles

noodles is a place to eat here. you can pick what type of meat or tofu you want in your noodles and what sauces or seasonings...very healthy and very very yummy! noodles has a new location so they are having some opening specials. one of the specials is tonight between 4 - 9 you go and eat and all of the proceeds from the sales go to worthington student council and the students decided to give that money to the buckleys a couple who i happen to go to church with and they are going to go to tanzania in the summer and live there for a few years. i never have heard of a public school giving money to a mission but wow what a HUGE blessing for doug and lyndi and for tanzania...one of the things that they plan to do is to work to get clean water in that area plus of course sharing the good news of Jesus. i know that there are other practical things that are planned with them and the team that they are going to be on but i forget right now what they are.
yesterday mom and I got out and it was so good to get out! Mom made me some food to freeze which is so helpful due to stove and oven issues. She made these incredible cookies...started out with an oatmeal cookie mix and then added into it chocolate caramel chips and peacans...yummy so so so yummy!
i have started having panic attacks and not sure why. i am concerned about the starting to spiral downwords but trying to not focus on it and for the panic attacks and focus on good things that are going on. i was able to clean yesterday so in a way that was an lj...the food mom made also an lj....cookies homemade....lj....i know it sounds silly but getting some coca cola cherry zero when i buy that i think of andrew because he used to at least maybe still does also like it....so the pop is an lj.....
o.k. here is the question of the day..i am enjoying reading what answers people have....if money was not an issue would you prefer to travel someplace near the ocean or to a big city? i do not like crowds so i would much prefer the ocean plus i am always am in awe of the ocean and it is si calming and the sun setting are beautiful and the sun risinig too.

: )

furry friend...aka gracie is sleeping!!! i know sometimes it probably seems like she is treated or i think of her as human i do know she is an animal....she just does act like a toddler at times.

Friends both furry and human

i am so so blessed beyond words on the people and friends and fellow lovers of Jesus who i know from central vineyard. i am going to get my sidewalk shoveled! charles is going to come over and shovel and then take me to group tonight. maureen and he truly shine Jesus! the group is at their home and he is going out to help me and he always is willing to give rides. i will be so so relieved to have as i said the sidewalk shoveled! today some teen did get through the snow and came to my door to drop off a ad for a pizza place. i am sure not only was he cold by the end of it he was also was soaking wet on some of his pants. i hope that he had dry ones and did not have to work back at the pizza place in wet pants.
gracie has been a grump today! i think that it is a combination of lots of things such as the snow is piled up by the patio fence so that she cannot get to it to look out at the parking lot...the snow is kind of deep for her to play in...since she cannot see the cars or people in the parking lot she is one grumpy dog...i think too bless her that her arthritis is bothering her. i will try to give her a motrin later on to see if that helps. i know too just like a toddler if she would settle down for a nap she would feel so so so much better and i would feel better too a respite from her barking and pacing and and such. yeah she is laying down and cuddled up on the couch and me thinks she is going to go to sleep. i sure hope that there are not noises outside for awhile that bother her.
some lj's for today so far are....playing with gracie...i cleaned some (that might sound silly for a lj but it is a good day when my physical and mental are in a space where i can do that)....knowing charles is going to shovel and that i can go to group.....having my computer....o.k. trying to get back to a question of the day..what is your favorite kind of ice cream and if you happen not to like ice cream what is your favorite sweet snack?
i think that i am going to go pet gracie and perhaps help her go to sleep she again is barking her low bark that she is just grumpy and i think her arthritis is bothering her....: (

blizzard is over.....................

today has been a rougher day than yesterday. please pray for peace. please pray that someone will be willing to shovel from my patio door to the step and the step to the garage ports that i can walk from there to get the mainstream easily. i have been praying and asking people when i call them to pray. i am really not sure why today has been so much rougher.
has anyone watched the show where people have sent in recipes and a few people get the chance to go on this show and it is a recipe cook off and the recipes who win get to have their dish tried on the menu at tgi fridays. it is a fun thing to watch. i almost always end up in tears watching "extreme homemaker show" i watched last evening the "billy graham special" i only caught a part of it yet what i saw of past preachngs of billy graham and of testimonies of some people and franklin graham sharing was good.
my mom is baking lots today so will have some yummy treats later on this week. i think that i am going to maybe try to call some people tonight to get out of myself or more likely later on try to email people. gracie just went out for a bit it was the longest that she has stayed out in this recent snow. she keeps barking i think to try to figure out where the other dogs are that are in my building. i am wondering if they are even home this weekend since i have not heard them at all! they are big dogs so we typically do hear them.

the blizzard is almost over........

is what the forecast is. the county that i live in is now on a level 2. i have felt very blessed and so so happy that i am doing as well as i am. i typically freak BIG TIME if i think that i am "trapped" in my place. i have prayed lots and also done some what if thinking and if something horrible happened i know that if i needed it the police and squad would be able to get to me if needed. i also have taken the extra medication that i can when i am really stressed and freaking out so that has helped too. gracie typically loves the snow but is not liking how deep it is! i am really surprized. she did "help" me make a path from my door to the patio door by running back and forth. i swept some of it to the sides also to make the path. i sure hope that the maintanance comes tomorrow and clears off the snow on the main and side sidewalks. i did not try to shovel the sidewalk from the patio door to the main sidewalk since it was so deep...probably 13 inches or so. i did the best i could with cane in one hand and broom in the other.
i have called a few people to see how they are doing. i am doing laundry. i think that i am going to try to find a good book to delve into...i am doing laundry....i want to do something artistic but cannot decide what i want to do though...i hope that there are some good shows on t.v. later on today. i think i will try to call my nephews and sister to see how they are all doing...my sister and bil and two of my nephews are also experienceing the blizzard....not sure about b and mb in st louis and b and c are in florida and it is supposedly "cold' meaning it is 60 degrees!
i would recommend reading kelly jene she shared some really funny stories. it reminded me of my nephews when they were little.
one last thing...there is a wee one whose name is will who is about two weeks old. i know his family from church. please pray for him he is having quite a difficult time with nursing and eating. yesterday seemed to be a better day for him. the doctor at the visit this week gently used the words failure to thrive....please pray that will's body starts taking in the nutrician that he needs...that his mom erica will be able to get some good rest and also that she will not take this as a failure of hers....that brian will also get some good rest and that they will be able to comfort each other and to have good communication between the two of them...and for sweet emma who is getting used to at 21 months being a big sister and whose parents are getting used to having two children.
after the comments and looking on the internet i decided not to try to make or eat the mashed cauliflower. i know since it is the blizzard there might be a few posts today.

BLIZZARD WARNING

well it looks like where i live we are going to have a blizzard! it was interesting to me to find out what conditions are considered a blizzard and it having to do with wind and visibility. the storm is in two parts the weatherman said we are over the first part and got about 3 - 4 inches of snow and then around midnight it is to start snowing again and we are expected between midnight and nine a.m. to get an inch an hour and have the high winds. i am dealing with it much much much better than i thought that i would! i think it has to do with a few things...i have been going out and sweeping the patio from my door to the patio door so if i had to get out i could...the sidewalk from the patio door to the main sidewalk is somewhat clear i think due to all of the salt i dumped on it......i have plenty of food and pop and things like hot chocolate and such and gracie has plenty of dog food both dry and wet and she also has treats and bones....i have plenty of medications and also my cell phone is charged if i need to use it if the regular phone goes out...i have radio that is battery operated and also has a huge flashlight on it....i am praying....i know i can call people who know that i freak out and panic easily....so surprizingly i am staying for me somewhat calm. i did get a bit on the panic side when i thought that i should stay up all night to be able to sweep the snow away from the door but am thinking that i can deal with it tomorrow a bit at a time and with only having slept two hours since wednesday i hopefully can sleep. i think though if the wind is as bad as forecasted i will be up lots anyway due to gracie hating the sound of the wind and trying to comfort her. she went running out when i opened the door just now to sweep the snow and came running back in because of the wind. i know that i should not be eating junk food but i have to say that i am glad that i got some comfort junk food yesterday at the store knowing that i might be in most of all of the weekend.
my friend maureen and i had a good conversation today. i was glad that she had the time to call me. i do hope that the weather is so that on monday she and i can get together for coffee and that i will be able to go to see nan. what is the weather like where you live?

Food Question

has anyone creamed cauliflower like mashed potatoes and if so how was it>

Snow Snow Snow.........

the snow is so pretty! i hope that we do not get 12 inches like predicted. i am so glad to be back home! i do not plan to go to group tonight due to the issues i have walking in the snow and also running on like two hours of sleep since wednesday. my appointment with al my new case manager went really well. he is nice man and he is really helpful. he has been a case manager for a few years now and has a degree in something that deals with mental illnesses. i am so relieved to have a new case manager who knows what he is doing and also who has good boundaries.

i am wondering if i am having a bipolar swing because with as i said two hours of sleep (none on wednesday night and two last night) and i am in a really good mood and feeling hopeful and have some plans for things that i want to get done this weekend. i typically freak some with intense weather and having to stay in but i am not even freaking a bit which is unusual for me. i think that i will not try to focus on why i am in a good space and just try to enjoy it.

i just want to share how much i am so blessed to have gracie my dog! she is such a sweetie and seems to understand my moods. she is so exited to have the snow. i got back home and opened the door and she ran in and out and in and out and looked at me like i am so glad you are back home and i can play in the snow. she is acting like an older dog with sleeping more and such and with her having some arthritis. wednesday night when i did not sleep she woke up and saw i was awake and hopped on the bed and wanted me to scratch her ears and neck and then turned around for me to scratch her back and then laid there for a few minutes and then hopped down and got back on her bed and went to sleep. yesterday after my intense session with nan and such she knew that i would want to pet her more so made sure to be where i could pet her. i know she is spoiled in many ways yet i feel spoiled by her with all of her attention that she gives me and how she knows me so well my moods and such. she is sure a big joy in my life!

some lj's from the past couple of days...having good mainstream drivers...mom treating me to dinner yesterday...being able to talk with vicki the receptionist where i see nan and my mental illnesses doctor we enjoy chatting and often times when the office is busy we do not get a chance to talk. we just enjoy chatting with each other...mom and i going to aldis and such so that we would have some of our favorite comfort foods for this weekend when we both knew we would be inside most of it...blogger buddies.....getting to see my sister and bil this week....

these past few weeks there has been lots of intense life issues going on not only with myself but also with friends i know from church and blogger friends. there is much that saddens me that is going on in the world today around us not just in the church i go to or in the united states but it seems all over the world. i know that when i am feeling overwealmed that it is times like that especially that i need to cry out to God. i need to remember too that there are things that i will never know the whys of...i need to remember too that 24/7 God is here and can handle whatever feelings that I have at the time. i have found myself praying less and worrying more and questioning more (why some things are happening). i need to find myself praying more and worrying less and questioning less. i need to isolate less when that means often for me blogging more and emailing people more. i need to remember too h.a.l.t. which is used in aa and na much....it stands for hungry angry lonely and tired and when one is not taking care of thes basics then life gets chaotic and when one chooses to take care and eats well and does not stuff emotions and does not isolate and gets rest then life is easier to handle. i do not mean for this to sound like i am depressedbecause i am just pondering much lately and really am in a good space today.
o.k. a question for today is what is one of your comfort foods? one of my comfort foods is rice...i think that i could eat rice every day...white or wild or quick or regular eat it with butter or with cheese or in a pudding...i like it for any meal....some other favorites that come to mind are kraft mac and cheese...ice cream...pretzels dipped in peanut butter....

Tired............

I am really tired since I did not sleep at all last night...not sure if it was emotional or due to physical pain or my brain not shutting off or what. Tonight I have to do laundry before I can go to bed. I have an early appointment for me which means getting up early which typically means I do not sleep well. Today was a busy and intense day for me...had my session with Nan and had lots to talk about and she had lots of great ideas...had an appointment with BVR and COVA and I had to close my case since my doctors think that I should not be looking for work right now. Mom and I ate dinner out and stopped at Walgreens and Aldi's because we are forecasted to get snow tomorrow and Saturday.
Well I am off to watch the news to see how early tomorrow the snow is expected.

Wednesday

I thought that I had some consequences from my e.d. but with having had a fever and chills and all of those things I know that I had the flu. I stayed in bed until around 3:30 today. I was to have lunch with mom and the pastor of her church Chad and had to skip that. Chad is a really great guy and I was bummed that I had to miss it. Today I have not done much at all. I think that I am on the mend from the flu so that is good. It was like a treasure to find in my freezer homemade chicken noodle soup that my mom had made. Today has been a rough day emotions wise but one will have those....happy to get all of the comments too. Andrew I have missed you lots our emails and your comments so thanks for commenting. It is not just a lj it is a big joy for me to have you comment. It was fun knowing what movies people liked too when young. I am enjoying American Idol more now that it is more narrowed down. My plan is to watch that and veg in bed most likely tonight............

ED consequences

physically i am not feeling good at all today! i think it is due to my ed behaviors this past weekend. i was reminded how everything we do as humans has consequences. i do not like having tummy issues due to anything but would rather that this time it be because of ed and not that i have the flu! i did go to my appointment with nan. it was so good to be back home in from the rain and such. today my plan is to do laundry and relax whatever that might be...being on the computer...napping...reading and playing with gracie....right now what sounds really good is for there to be a good movie on t.v. and relaxing with gracie and dozing on and off watching the movie and napping.
here is a bit of trivia that some of you might now know...this week i think the actual day is tomorrow is dr seuss birthday so in honor find one of his book and find someone to share the book with child or adult. i saw ads also that there is a movie coming out based on a dr seuss book. i used to enjoy the horton book when young so i think that i would enjoy the movie. so here is a question for today...what is one of your favorite kid movies? it is a older one but i did like the apple dumpling gang.. tim conway is in it and he is so funny! i am not sure how many people who read my blog are old enough to have watched "the carol burnett show" well tim was on it many times and when he did the old man who did the baby steps and it took him like minutes to go just a very short distance that is the way i feel like i walk often times especially in the mornings.

sister and brother in law

today mom and i got to spend time with my sister and brother in law. mom fixed lunch at her place and we had a good time talking and such. they were in the city because of her eye appointment. her eye is healing very slowly yet is healing so that is good news. she sees the neck doctor this week too so it will be interesting to hear what she finds out. she still tires really easily yet she has been dealing with not feeling good for six months now with the neck issues and then about a month with the eye issues so her body has been thru lots!
mom loves to cook i think that i have mentioned that before well she had made some food for m and j before and since they were going to be in the city she made lots more for them that they can freeze and can make an easy lunch or dinner and such. it is especially nice for m since her sight in her eye is still really not good and is offf kilter she has made things for me too with my stove not working and it is such a blessing for all of us...for me and for m and j and also for my mom needs to be needed so it is a blessing for her.
the temperature is in the 60's so everything is melted. i am so glad! it makes it so much easier to walk and such. the forecast is for it to snow later on this week. i hope not but i can deal with snow better than i can ice and such. i will be glad when spring is here...or even if it is cold if it is not damp. i am determined to remember lj's and blessings so here are some for today......lj's the ice is gone...my pain is down just a tad....seeing j and m.....having a computer....blogger buddies...nan being willing to change my appointment from today to tomorrow so that i could see j and m...weather good enough so that can go to the monday evening group...gracie likes her new treats........what lj's would you like to share today

Too much time with ED

i understand why when i am having lots of emotional pain and dealing with ptsd that i deal lots more with ed but do not understand why physical pain triggers me to spend lots of time with ed i was doing really good with not binging and such and then WHAM these past few days especially since saturday it has been worse then in probably over a month plus. i am determined to sometime tonight to plan out six mini meals for tomorrow. i am determined to take one of those with me tomorrow since i leave home around 10:30 a.m. and will get back around 1:00 p.m. so will most likely take a protein bar and something to drink. the food choices that i have are a good variety and good food for me overall with the shopping that i did on saturday. what menu ideas do people have who do the mini meals? or even regular meal ideas that i can make and then split into a couple of meals?

sunday........................

today has been a rough day...overslept so did not make it to church at all....my pain is increasing to the point that i thought of going to to the e.r. but they would already tell me what i know that my knee needs replaced and i am not sure if they would give me anything stronger to take care of the pain. the pain now is maily when i am upright and walking not so much once i am sitting or laying down. i am scared because not sure where gracie would stay if i have it done and am in rehab...due to my size my rehab would be longer than most...my place even though it is one floor is not really suited for a scooter to get in and out of my place....plus many of the places that i go right now are not set up for a scooter such as like the building the church that i go to uses and since it is a private place it does not have to be accessable when we get a building it will be. it is strange because the school has a ramp and then at the end of the ramp two steps. i am going to go put one of those heating wraps on my one knee and see if it helps. i am so bummed because of missing church because of not being there to sign in the kids like i am to do and also because i miss church when i am not there and also wanted to get some prayer for this leg. no question for today...............

Mega pain yet productive day............

so far! my pain seems to keep increasing this week yet i find myself being more stubborn about keeping on to get things done and also being firm with myself to rest my legs too. today mom picked me and gracie up around 10:15 a.m. to run errands. gracie loves to ride and is so so good when she rides. we went to a place where the church gives me some help which is such a huge blessing! we then went to the grocery store...she went in first and then we took her things back to her place because my plan was between the church help and the grocery store to be stocked up really well for some weeks so it was a trunk full. it is hard on me to do a massive shopping like that and to get it all inside and put away yet i feel so good when i get it done and also it makes the rest of the month easier with just having to perhaps pick up just a few things if that. mom treated her and i to tim horton's tim bits and hot chocolate while we were running errands. i really like their hot chocolate!
mom's arthritis has been really bothering her these past few weeks. she has it really bad in her hands. she is to me and others amazing for her age...she for years i have called the duracell bunny because she keeps going and going and going....i think though it is time for me to ask someone else to take me shopping and to help me carry things to my patio since it is really getting hard for her. she would never say that it is but yet i know that it is. i think if i could have someone help with the big shopping and then with the little ones i can easily get them to the patio myself. today the grass where i typically walk is sheer ice and so have to go up and down the big step and that is hard. mom tries to help yet i do not want her to hurt herself and such. i am determined by next winter to have a railing i can hold onto and have a ramp too!
i got home and got most of the reminding calls that i needed to make done. i got the info too late i thought to email people to remind them about working with the children tomorrow so i called them to remind them. i did get the fridge and freezer cleaned out last evening...so all of these are lj's for me. i had asked the question yesterday about sweet or salty but forgot to answer it and typically i prefer salty to sweet.
speaking of food reminds me of ed. it has been rougher lately. i know that my ed increases when my physical pain is acute i know for many people it is quite the opposite but not for me. i think that also with the weather issues and with big things in life in february such as my daughter turning 21. i also try to remind myself that overall things have been SO much with my eating and dealing with ed. i know too the more that i pray before i eat and not wait until after the binge and pray when i am wanting to binge and turn that over to God of course it helps...sure i might still fall and stumble but it is lessesned most times. i know too it is so true that if one does not eat on a regular basis it sets one up for a binge so even if i am not hungry i need to eat something small a few times or else i will end up binging big time in the evening. i tried today to make choices that are healthy and things that i like such as yougurt in a few flavors since i really like it and that is good for part of a meal or a snack or small meal. i do much better if instead of regular meals i eat like 6 mini meals.
o.k. my question for today is are you more of a morning person or evening? i am so NOT a morning person. i do better waking up later morning or early afternoon and then stay up later too. i did better too when i worked afternoon or evening or even years ago night times.