Monday Mumblings

Today has been a mixed up day of the good and the not so good and the frustrating...the good was having a good appointment with nan and getting much done....having fun playing with gracie....mom buying me dinner...enjoying the conversations that i had with the mainstream drivers on my rides...getting a email from my nephew b and his wife mb...the not so good was having to take gracie to get her rear end shaved and as we were waiting watching her tremble and trying to comfort her even though i knew she had to have it done. the rooms were full so they took her in the back and sweet thing she got so upset that she pooped while they were taking care of her. they are really kind at the vet office and did not seem to get mad at her just cleaned her up and such....she enjoyed a cheeseburger minus the bun while we were eating our kfc dinners.....i ended up going into walgreens to buy some candy and a pint of ice cream because i was so upset about a phone call i had earlier in the day. i dislike it when i at times still turn to food...i have not eaten it yet though and am reminding myself as i type this that i am binging lots lots less and am really trying on most days to eat better....so the frustrating is this...i called fresh start which is the name of the program which i have planned to have the bariatric operation because they have the best stats and i really admire their program. i heard the doctor speak and one of the men i go to church with is on the team and i think of them all highly...i called today to check about if they knew more now about when they would get the ??? whatever it is that they need to have so that medicare and medicaid will accept them and now it is looking like september. i really wanted to have it be this summer but looks like it will not be. the other thing see is once the insurances will let me go to them the insurance takes it on a case by case if they then will authorize the operation for me....which makes it even longer of a process. i was trying to calm myself down and was thinking i should lose weight anyway before the operation and this will give me more time to really get more serious and also i have got to got to got to exercise and get to swimming which is the only type exercise that i can really do with the bad shape that my legs and knees are in. i guess again i need to let go and let God do what He has planned in His timing. i know that i am not willing and God has shown me go to any of the other programs that really have much worse stats than this program. i am feeling better too after talking to mom. she was able to remind me of some of the positives that can happen with having to wait and such. she also was encouraging me on the things that i am doing and trying to do.....i am more calm now. i think that i am going to see how much it would cost me out of pocket to go and talk to the doctor and see what things he sees that i should be doing to be more ready and also what types of food plans does he think works best for someone like me....i think today my spiral down is due to not wanting to have to depend on a scooter in the future. o.k. so those of you who stop by to read what are some lj's that you have been experiencing...i think that the good from today counts as my lj's.....
OH mom talked to my cousin brian today. he is doing better. they let him eat today after being on a clear liquid diet. he is still really weak and the doctors want him to go to a rehab place for awhile. he really does not want to go but another cousin of mine stephanie works at one and her husband david told brian why did he not try to go there where he would know someone who works there and who could stop in often and check on him. they are going to get brian a cane because they want him to walk but due to being so weak it is hard for him to do. well i think that i am going to watch some t.v. and take my night time medications and try to relax. gracie is one worn out doggie so she i think is asleep for the night but will follow me from my main room to the bedroom when i go there....