Today has been a good day.....................

even if it started not so good. i had an meeting with al my case manager which i thought was at 2:00 today but it was to be at 11:00 a.m. ! so i messed that up yet al my case manager was very kind about it...i had arranged rides to go to borders where we meet so kept them and went over and enjoyed a nice coffeed drink and reading some and people watching some....mom and i went out for a early dinner at bob evans and it was good. i went to dollar tree to get some things...great place to get shower gifts thins such as baby's hardback books for a dollar each....and got some other items. i had a panic attack in the store so asked mom when i got back in if she would go into walgreens because between the panic attack and my physical pain i did not think that i could do it so she was kind enough to get the few things that i needed. i am back home and perishables put away other items i will get to another time.
gracie was exited and upset with me when i got back..she was glad to see me back and with treats for her but she saw that mom had dropped me off and she gets a bit miffed with us if we do not let her ride around with us...we thought about picking her up after we ate but i just was not sure if i could deal with her with my pain level and it is even harder on mom when gracie pulls at the leash to get her to and from the car.
i am trying to think of lj's for today....things such as enjoying a coffee drink at borders bookstore...al being so nice about me messing up the time and such....having a new word search book....mom going into walgreens for me....getting a shower gift that fits my minimal cash that i have....looking foward to getting together with eleanor tomorrow....
hopes for tonight and tomorrow..............that i sleep some tonight...that i get some laundry done tonight and tomorrow or both the way that i have so much to wash and with the stack washers and dryers there is only so much one can fit into one.....hope that everyone who reads this has a blessed evening and day tomorrow.........

Monday Evening

It is 7:30 p.m. and after I type this I am headed to bed. My sleep continued last night being full of nightmares and such and between that and waking up off and on I think I woke up more tired then when I went to bed. My appointment with Nan went well....and I do seem to even when I am tired I do work hard in my sessions. I got my check from IRS today..YEAH....I can pay off my library fines...I am going to stock up on a few things I think...and want to spend a very small amount on buying some things that I want such as some new puzzle books...a plastic bottle that I can use over and over to tote water around...hoping that the more that I have it around me the more I will drink water. My mom blessed me again by buying 3 shirts and 1 tank top to wear under ths shirts...so I am set for the summer I think. She has done really great picking out things for me lately...she does it by catalog and then has them sent to me. "House" is a new show tonight which I am so eager to see...I have watched the reruns a few times so eager for a new one. I might watch "bones" tonight sometimes I like it and sometimes I don't. Guess that is it for me today................try to think of some lj's................

i am so tired today due to not much sleeping and when i did it was nightmares and such....so then i got up and got up and got ready for the day to go to church and could not find my little pocket purse that goes in my book bag...it has in it everything important such as keys and money and id cards and insurance cards and cell phone...so called my mom to see if she could pick me up from church because i would not have keys to get back in my place and then went out to the patio and there it was laying on the ground...thank you God...so tried to call my mom back to tell her that i found my keys so would just get my regular ride back but she had left to go to church....so got to church and the people who were bringing the kids things were late so things with the kids got started later....o.k. then add to that stomach issues so i could not stay to hear the message due to my physical issues....so when mom and i went to a place to eat i could not stay due to my stomach issues and when stomach issues are with me chinese food and i do not get along so we drove thru a place and got a burger and shake and then went to moms to pick up what she had made for me....add to this all my pain level is really extreme today and with all that happened with looking for my mini purse did i think to take my medications...NO..so got back home and some of them it was too late in the day to take because it would keep me awake tonight but i did take the ones that i could and the pain medication so hoping it will kick in...so with all of that when i got home took the medications that i could and i had a good cry...and now am feeling better....even though i am so tired and in pain.
i was thinking today that it would be so nice if i lived close to some of my blogger buddies.....i was also thinking it would be nice if i could get a play pal for gracie but due to money and her issues that is not wise....so i think it is a night to curl up in bed hoping gracie will want to be petted and watch some t.v. it is one of those days that i miss being in a relationship....so not much exiting here but wanted to post................

Back home after the library.............

I enjoyed the time that I spent at the library. I decided to read some magazines and enjoyed them Time for me goes so fast when I read. I am so waiting for some money I will get in May to pay off my fines and be able again to check out books. I am determined to just cheak out a limit of 3 books so that I do not lose them or forget where I put them...and have a spot where I leave them when I am not reading them.
One thing that I need to get control of is to not order a milky way freeze when I am down there...it is like a cold coffee espresso mixed wtih like chocolte milk and buzzed up with ice and then whip cream. There is a place in the library that sells coffee and coffee drinks and cookies and such all wonderful things....but since I have been cutting out some sugar and such I want to make it a goal to for right now order them only like twice a month and then since I always want to treat myself when I see Java Master I will treat myself to a skim latte with no sugar flavorings. I also did not have any of the protein bars in my bag so being a bit hungry did not help.
I was bummed a bit because nobody was out on the benches to talk to...I like to people watch yet I also like to hear about whatever one might share with me. I think another incentive for me to not get the high calorie drink is that I always like to when I go to the main library have some small amount of cash so if someone needs or wants a drink or such I can get it for them. I would also when I go to the Dollar Tree get some of the water bottles that one used over and over to give to some of the homeless to have to be able to get water even from the fountain or be able to get it from Java Master who right now charges a quarter for the cup of water which is the cost of the cup they say ...but I think it is that the management of Java Master does not want to serve them. I was just thinking just now how if Andrew and I lived closer we could have some great conversations with some of the guys and woman who hang out there or the people who we know in general.
I wanted to share something that I was happy about but forgot to mention.....My doctor is very very strict when it comes to her writing the rx for my pain medication. She knows that I used in the past...sometimes in the past I thought she was too strict yet when I went for my annual check up for bloodwork and such I asked her that even if I did not need the new rx till in a week could I have it that day so I do not have to come back to her office since the rx is for a narcotic she cannot call it in and even told her you could postdate if if she would prefer to do that..and she said it is fine for her to give it to me and she trusted me so she did not postdate it. I also have figured out something that seems to work better for me and that I can take it twice a day and I have started taking the pain medication early evening and it starts to kick in about the time that I go to sleep so makes me sleep better and then take it when i am getting ready for the day..it lasts agout eight hours it says but for me it lasts about 6 hours whch the doctor knows. I am jsut happy for her to trust me. I know I will say that I do think some about abusing the medications BUT really do not want to screw things up with my other medications or get so she will not give me the pain medication...it has been about 15 years now and I do not want to lose all of these years of hard work and such just for a very temporary buzz. Well trying to decide what I want for dinner..........hmm...........not sure right now.........

Saturday Afternoon Ranblings...........

I have a few minutes before my Mainstream ride comes so thought that I would post a bit. The rain filled skys are now sunny and I would say that it is in the 60's. Mom and I and of course Gracie went to run some errands this morning. We stopped at Tim Hortons for us to get cocoa and some of their tim bits which are so good! Tim Hortosns sells the mix for hot cocoa but they do it so well and it is more of a treat if I do not have it on a regular basis. I like the size of the tim bits which are the donut hole size...a few of those I get a sugar fix and not too many calories.
I am hoping to find a book that I really want to read and is a easy read since right now I cannot check out books due to the fines that I have. They let me read off half of them which was great. I need to wait until I get my little irs check to pay for them. It is going to be a little irs check since I only worked like 3 weeks in 2007..............so far some lj's is the tim bits and cocoa....watching gracie get exited over ice cubes which she loves...mom and i having a pleasent time...time to check blogs before going to the library....v8 juice ....going to the library....the library is such a great place to people watch...so many different people in one place....the rich...the poor...the young and old...kids of all ages....homeless people and i have to say that i have experienced some really good convesations with some of the homeless who hang out there....i love that i like reading and i can lose myself in a book often times
i do have to admit to myself that i miss working there and to quit was not one of my better decisions. i am thinking about seeing if i can apply to volunteer either at one of the branches ones or at the main one...well will most likely post later telling about the library and any good conversations that i had and such.......................

good day.

today was a good day...a very good day! it started out with my finding a pair of sandles that i had gotten in the fall and they were too casual to wear to the wedding of my nephew..so today i wore them. i am the queen at losing things or not remembering where i put things so happy to find them. i had therapy today and decide that i wanted to know what my weight was since i was going to the doctor afterwards and also because i knew i was losing some but had not weighed myself since januray but had no idea that it was 22 and 1/2 pounds since the new year! i was so encouraged me i want to try harder to eat healthy and drink water so i can lose even more. my doctor's appointment was fine. i really like my doctor...she is a fantastic doctor and is easy to talk to and such. i got some bloodwork done we can see how my liver is with all of the medications that i take and also to see if i am going into menapause since i am starting to have some of the symptoms that i am. i had nice mainstream drivers all 3 trips and they helped me with the steps and such because it was a painful day for me legs...not surprized because of rain is expected the next few days and also wearing the sandles which are cute yet not real supportive so will not be wearing them much but they are cute..they are sketchers and are silver colored. i took the other sandles to the shoe place to havfe them cleaned up and polished for the summer and those i can wear more of the time but have to be careful to if i am going to walk lots to wear the more supportive shoes that i have.

i was talking with nan today about food and choices and such so the two things that i plan to work on in may are these things....drink water even if it means to drink it i use some of the no or low calotie flavored ones or keep the generic crystal light with me at all times or mix juice like two ounces with six ounces of water....when i get ice cream to try to get the individual treats or if i get ice cream to get it no or low sugar....i have for the most part stopped buying regular pop for home but now i want to aim for not ordering it when i am out to eat and choose ice tea unsweetened or water....so those are the goals for may. i want to continue to aim for six small times that i eat if it is 3 meals and 3 snacks or if it is a bad day with eating to aim to eat six small snacks....and i want to make sure to keep like the meal bars at home and one in my bag that i take with me and i might get some liquid drinks like slimfast and such to keep on hand also. i am also feeling better with taking the prn medications...i can take it twice a day and yesterday i took it once and i think tonight when i take my night medications i will take it then also...i also have started sitting outside some when gracie is outside so that helps my mood also. i hope this post does not come across as bragging yet i am exited that even when i messed up some days with rotten eating the pounds are coming off...and it was good to have nan and my doctor so happy with me also.

gracie has started doing this new thing which is so funny to me...i often sit on the edge of my bed to watch t.v. and she often comes and hops up on the bed too and then she will want petted and such but then goes around to my back and cuddles up into my back and is like a little pillow and it just is so cute and she also has wanted me more to give her what is like a hug and she puts her face on my chest and then i know i am crazy about her so when she is wanting a hug and to be close i sing a song i made up for her which goes like this a good thing you cannot hear me singing it because i do not have a good voice so it goes " i love my gracie boo...i love my gracie boo...i love i love i love i love
trying this again first time it would not let me post it....weird things lately with blogspots.........

Food Issues

I find even though I started this blog to share and get support about my eating disorders. I often write about other things but decided to aim to write more about the eating disorders and how I am doing..........well not good this week. It sounds strange I know for someone who binges and is overweight to say she is having problems eating but that is where I have been some this week. It has been a week where I might eat one time a day and not the rest of the day. I have dealt with ED enough to know that is not healthy and can set one up for a binge. I have been having some days when I eat and overeat but not eating things good for me as a meal such as cookies and ice cream....I do better when I am in this not eating much or overeating some to have some of those meal bars around and will eat them...not quite enough for a meal but if it is having one of those or not eating then if it works for me some days then that is what I do. I just was thinking about today with so much sugar intake...cookies for lunch and diet pop...when I was at the library I had some regular pop and a milkyway freeze which is a cold espresso drink with lots of great things in it and of course today I had whip cream in it! Tonight I ate siome spaghetti with 3 meatballs and a average size of pasta. I REALLY wanted to just eat cookies but did not...now who knows if I will eat cookies later on tonight or not.....so here is a question for the readers what do you do when you do not want to eat at all one day what little things can you eat to make the day at least a bit better with food? O.K. I feel really dumb right now because as I was typing this I started to get cramps SO that PMS is I think part of what is going on with me.....so makes more sense to me now....also I have GOT to start drinking water! I was planning on getting weighted tomorrow when I see my therapist so that later on in the day when I have to meet with my regular doctor I can tell her what I weigh...I can tell that I am losing some weight but I need for it to be more and for me to eat more regular and healthy and drink water. I find it hard to try to do lots of changes at one time so I think my goal for the next few days is to drink water. I just really do NOT like drinking water especially from the tap...I do better when it is bottled..the reasons being is for one thing our city water does not taste good...I have REALLY BAD memories in regards to water and being made to throw up a few times when I was in the ER. I do better if I flavor it with something like Crystal Light but that gets expensive even the off brand gets expensice..............so any creative ideas for drinking water...........I REALLY am open to ideas here....lj's for the day which include some food stuff....reading off somemore of my fines at the library and have done as much as they would let me so will need to pay money now....sitting outside with Gracie on the patio and the warm temperatures and the gentle wind....talking to my friend Michelle and making plans to get together...setting up my ride for Saturday to go to the library again..even though I cannot check out books right now due to my fines I enjoy watching people and reading there...knowing my mom got into the dentist to have her tooth fixed. she had an appointment for mid May but asked to be on the waiting list so she was able to get in today she had a broken tooth and it did not hurt much was just a bother.....well i need to get the clothes from the washer to the dryer and then plan to watch some t.v. and most likely will go to bed early. i have been having to take a prn medication for the bipolar crap that is going on but it does help......

Lots to share.....................

first off I wanted to update about the family who was in the wreck...good news as far as Donna goes....she is responding some to what people say to her like to squeeze the person's hand or open her eyes so that is good news....the young boy is feeling somewhat better both of his lungs are inflated now and he feels good enough to play some video games. i think it is hard for him being in a city where they are not from and all 3 people are in different hospitals so visitors and his dad have to go to all 3 hospitals so i guess i would like to pray that people visit him and stay awhile since his mom is not able nor one of his sisters and his dad. my friend eleanore who is friends with them is going up every weekend to visit them all...the young woman who lost her baby is having a rough time with some of the people on her floor are having babies and she can hear them cry as she is grieving the loss of her baby. thanks for everyone who is praying and please continue...i told eleanore to tell the dad that people all over are praying for them.

2sunset mentioned tony campolo wondering if he was mentioned at the revival and he was not yet i know he does some really great things...........two of them stick out in my mind...he loving woman who most people think of being outcasts and such. i am talking about prostitues. one day he went into a bar to meet people and hang out. one woman who was an often customer was talking about her birthday the next day and tony asked her what she was going to do and she said nothing and he said aren't you having a party and she said no she even as a child never had a party so after she left tony asked the bartender to find out who she knew and such and decided to give this woman a party on her birthday and so bought balloons and a cake and such and one of the other prostitutes made sure she would be there and she walked in to her first party ever! she was so exited and happy and amazed that this man would give her a party and that tony did not want anything in return. i would like to be as loving as tony is to people..........
the other story i know about is when he was in asian country known for child prostitution and how many children are abused and used and such at very very young ages....well he saw two young children who were asking him what he wanted....and such...he thought for awhile and then arranged with the pimp to have the children for all night at his hotel room. he told them when to be at his room....he went to the motel and asked to borrow any of the disney movies that they had and told the room service he wanted them to prepare food that kids really liked so....it got to me time and the two sisters came to his door and he welcomed them in and when they asked what he wanted them to do he said i want you to have a night to be kids and get to play and such. they did not believe him at first but then relaxed and had lots of ice cream and i think pizza and watched movies and laughted like kids should and then when it got late they asked him again what he wanted then and he said for you two to have a good nights sleep and they did and they had a wonderful evening being kids and how one person cannot change the horror of human trafficing but he took the time to help the girls have a little joy and happiness and fun for one night...i am sure that is something that the girls will not forget....i want to be more like him...i think for sure these are things that jesus would do when he walked this earth and want for those of us who believe in him to do. ....agree? well it is later than i thought so will write more later after group.

Sleepy Sunday

Today has been a good day...being at church...going out to eat with mom...doing some shopping and back home. I did not sleep great last night so am tired. I could go to sleep right away but with it being 6:00 p.m. I would mess up my sleep tonight....because I am sure if I did go to sleep right now I would wake up middle of the night ready for the new day when it is still the middle of the night. Yesterday was a tough day but I think it was because I took one of my prn as needed medications and forgot until late last night to take the coginton which helps lots with the side effects of the prn medication so when I did remember and took it the day well then evening went much better.
I have been going over many of the things that I heard at the Justice Revival. It was so exiting to see 20 some churches combine for a movement here in the city...very powerful..quite convicting. I was so happy that I was able to go all 3 evenings. My mom was glad that she went also and we have been having some discussions about it all. We are going to get the cd's of the teachings for us and for a few friends and family also. I think that I am going to get some comfy clothes on and see what is on television......

Update on Frazier Family

Donna is doing better...the pressure in her brain has gone way down. she is also tracking some with her eyes. kristen the next step for her is for surgeons to try to put her knee back together. she is concerned if she will be able to walk again. joshua is better and they changed some of his tubes like feeding tube to a smaller size one to make him more comfortable....please continue to pray for all of them and the dad and daughter faith who is fine. they are still staying at ronald mcdonald home while all of this is going on. please continue to pray...............thanks

Busy few days..............

the church that i am part of is a plant from vineyard columbus and vineyard columbus is hosting a justice revival.....i have been going each night and so has mom......powerful speakers and such! 20 churches have joined together..all various denominations....joining together to share jesus with our city and beyond. it is not about politics! it is about ending hunger....helping the poor....etc...i really have enjoyed the speakers...and the variety of music and such. i also find myself convicted that even i who in the standard of living am at poverty level can spare a few bucks to help out. i am sure that i might have more thoughts afterwords when i have more time to process....hope everyone has a good day......

No napping.............

which is better for sleeping tonight i hope. i wanted to go to bed at 6:00 but am making myself stay awake so that i will not mess up my sleeping tonight i hope. i got a few cards written and some emails and some praying....please pray for this family they were out of town when this wreck happened. the father and faith are staying at ronald mcdonald house right now near the hospital. another prayer request to go along with this is money issues since the father/dad is not working right now because of spending time with his family....a friend of mine knows the family...

Donna Frazier was traveling with her 3 children, Kristen (19), Joshua (6), Faith (5) and they were in a severe car accident. Donna is in critiacl condition and in a comma with bleeding on brain, Kristen was 7 month pregnant & lost her baby. She also has three broken vertebrae in her back, a shattered knee and a pelvic injury. Joshua has a diaphragmic hernia, his kidney and colon are torn & he has a collapsed lung. Faith miraculously walked away from the crash unharmed.

It is Tuesday and I am tired........

I tossed and turned and did not sleep much last night due to the physical pain and my racing thoughts. I did make it up early (for me being out of my home by 10:00 a.m is early) and made it to the meeting I had today. The meeting went really well and I am blessed to be in a communtiy of other Jesus loving people who love me as I am and at the same time encourage me to be a better person. They are going to help me with some of the things that I need to have done on my place. I know too that I was nervous so now that it is over and I can relax it makes me even more tired. I tend to be like Soul and do better at writing than talking often times.
It is a sunny day outside and a bit warmer today it is about 48 degrees...I am really ready for spring temperatures to be here.
I am taking this from Soul's blog and sharing 6 non important quirks or habits. I could relate to the things that she wrote.

1. If I am waking up or going to go someplace I like for it to be an even number of minutes so lest say that I wake up at 10:15 I wait until it is 10:20 and such. I think that I got that from my ex who always was like that.
2. I get all bent out of shape if I am late going anywhere and prefer to get there really early instead but here is what makes it weirder is that I am really fine if people are running late.
3. I tend to wear the same colors most of the time which are purple and brown and black and the dark wash jean color
4. I do mcuh better at writing to communicate than with talking even though my grammer and spelling are often fair at best.
5. I am related to Nancy Hanks who was Abe Lincoln's wife and she also struggled with mental illnesses...I wonder how much things are gene related. I joke about it being in the genes but wonder too how many generations people have struggled with depression and such.
6. If I am eating peanut butter I prefer just having a spoonful or two just eating it from the spoon and not on a sandwich.
So who else wants to play?
O.K. et me think of some lj's so far for today....the sun shining....seeing constance this morning who is such a cutie and bright little on who is 14 months....having some coca cola cherry zero which is wonderful!......watching gracie be so exited for it to be sunny outside......and a big joy is how well the meeting went today....
well I think I am going to write my cousin and others some emails and then head to the couch for a nap..............

Not much to share..............

it has been a rough day m.i.'s issues and physical issues. I did have my appointment with Nan and that went well. I enjoyed some homemade veggie soup and ice cream for dinner. My pain level is really really intense today. I think for sure I will make it an early night for bed and to watch t.v. ....because of the way that I feel and also for me I have an early morning....

Haircut and Shopping..............

My day started out quiet and late in the day....We had some thunder storms last night and Gracie does not like storms and gets scared. She did not bark much which is good she just paces and keeps getting on the bed wanting me to pet her and such. She was funny last night because she tried to pace back and forth on my bed! I finally got her to calm back down after the storms and we both slept in today...I did feel bad when I got up in the middle of the night and realized that her water bowl was empty so filled that back up...it was not really my fault because she had water when I went to bad she just drank so much because of getting dry from her being nervous and such.
Mom paid for me to get my hair cut today. I was so glad because I really needed it! I prefer the way my hair looks when it is short plus with keeping it this short it keeps the curls in better shape....my hair when it grows with the curls it does not grow much in length but it gets poofy. It is interesting how something such as getting my hair cut helps my mood.

We stopped at the store on the way home. I get so frustrated at myself when I forget things when shopping. I had done that huge shopping trip just what a week or so ago and needed to get some things today because I did not buy enough last time. It was a quick trip for Mom and I so am back at home.

What fun things are people going to do this weekend? I am going to do laundry and try to clean some and such. Tomorrow one of the churches is putting on the production of "Jesus Christ Superstar". Mom and I saw it a few years ago..this church teen and young adults do an excellent job. We both were surprized at some of the songs and how it sounded professional. I think tonight I plan to just relax and watch some t.v. I like watching "What Not To Wear" and some of the shows on Homes and Gardens channel and then also TLC even the medical shows I like.Sunday it will be a typical day for me with church and then out to eat with Mom and then not sure since I will not need to go shopping. I have not been sharing lj's like I used to do..............so some for the past couple of days....i always enjoy sitting outside on one of the benches when I am waiting my appointment with Nan....reading off $20.00 worth of fines when I went to the library because I read for two and a half hours...finding detergent on sale today at Giant Eagle which was only $3.00 for a large bottle....glad that we had some warmer days even if it does rain....gracie is always a lj for me....my cousin brian and i emailing these days and a large joy is that he is feeling better and is out of the hospital...another large joy is all of the ways my Mom helps me....new socks which it is a funny thing that i go thru socks so fast and i really like socks these days better than going barefoot....i am eager to hear if anyone wants to share any......it is good for my mental health when i do remember to think of lj's aka little joys and blessings that are in my life.........one might be surprized if you try it and see how it does help one's day been better even if it is a cruddy day.

Yummy lunch..............

it is 4:15 and i just ate my lunch so most likely will snack some later on but not eat a meal. i had some kung pao. it comes in a box and the noodles and sauce are in the box seperate and then on just stirs it together and microwave it. i add peanuts to it and it is so yummy and quick and easy. i should have eaten more besides two protein bars before now...i ate one quickly this a.m. before my ride came to get me and then ate one after my session so at least so far today i am heating healthy. i have a plan to write down daily what i eat and how much and what was my mood. i REALLY need to get more organized! i am really wanting to work on that in evey area of my life.

i am sore and dealing with some scratches but overall i am feeling much better than i thuoght that i would after falling. I still am not sure what i tripped on or why i fell. i don't think it was from my leg giving out...i do not think that i trippped on gracie's leash...maybe a rock or something. i think i have decided that the next time i have to go someplace say like a mall when i need to walk lots that i will use my walker....i think in the future i will be needing to use it more but not happy about it BUT it is better to use the walker and not fall instead of not using the walker and falling.

i was SO glad that my mom was home today! i got to where my appointment is and realized that i had left my pure at home....keys and all. i was able to call her and she came to get me after my appointment and she has a key she keeps for moments like that....so i keep saying that i need to put a key outside some place on the patio so that i do not have to call and have her get out and also for the days that she cannot get out to help me. i am leery of having one outside hidden....yet with gracie here someone is going to have to be stupid to try to break in even if they found the key...i just want to think of a place that would not seem like a place to hide the key.

i had an email from my cousin brian who was so so sick...he is at home and seems to be doing alrgight. he said he is reexamining his life to not be so busy working 70 hours a week and such and needed to as the saying goes stop and smell the reoses. i think some of us cousins will connect more in the future which is a good thing. it is interesting too how i had planned to write him soon and then to get an email from him.... well i need to write some emails and getting brian's email is an lj in my day

Tired.....................

i am tired today i think a mixture of not sleeping good last night and today having nervous energy due to my falling. i fell on the patio this afternoon. it was a huge blessing that i really did not hurt myself. i have some scrapes and i think sprained one of my fingers. i hit gracie a bit when i was falling so she was freaked out which i understand that she would be. she is not hurt at all. i was more worried about her than i was myself. we were going out to the parking lot to go for a ride and to go through a drive thru windos for lunch. i was glad if it had to happen that it happened when mom was in the parking lot and she was able to get gracie and i was able with a chair that i leave on my patio. so between all of that i am tired and in pain.
i am really enoying the wamer weather. yesterday gracie and i sat out on the patio for awhile and i read and she did her on the patio patrol so to watch if anyone came into the parking lot and if they did that she tell me about them. it helps my mood so much when the sun is shining and it is warmer.it will be nice when it stays this way.
not the best choice but i ate some chocolate hoping that it would help me not take a nap this late in the day. i think it will be early to bed for me because i am tired and because even thought i am fine my legs hurt really bad before i fell and i know that they will hurt even more later on today or tomorrow with fallng.....

Back from shopping............

and i got many great buys! i am always amazed at what Dollar Tree has....things such as 3 pairs of socks for a dollar.....paper and pens...food products...magazines.....pet things etc etc....Gracie is now stocked up for awhile with treats and bones and food....i am stocked up on soap and things like that...another thing that i like is that i tend to treat myself some when i go so i bought a new find the word puzzle book...musk body lotion and spray...i mean for total of 3 bucks i am worth it. it is so nice out today! mom and i sat out on the bench outside of the pizza place since it was so nice today. i am so glad though to be back home because of my pain. i felt like my knee sounded like rice krispies..snap crackle and pop....
i think that i have mentioned that my mom reminds me of a duracell bunny for all she does at her age.....today she got together a breakfast for the people at church...baked what needed bakes made biscuits and strawberry butter and organized it all and went shopping for it all....then we got together and went out to eat and then to a few stores.....she amazes me at 79 years young.
so some lj's about the weekend...going to the library...watching some shows i like on t.v.. being treated to lunch....treating myself at the dollar store...getting great bargains there also...getting socks i know a little thing yet needed because i tend to wear out socks fast...the beautiful day....seeing hannah a baby who is 3 weeks old at church today..mom saying that she would pay for half of what i got today without me even asking...the feeling that i am stocked up on lots of things and most likely the only thing i will need to get well want to get since pop is not quite a need though it feels like it at times but anyway i will need to in a week or so get stocked up on pop again...well i am really tired due to the pain but i want to stay awake so that i do not take a nap and then not sleep good tonight.....on to do some emails.

Beautiful Day.....................

here is Ohio! The sun is shining and it is warmer for which I am grateful. My pain level is sky high today!! I tried taking my normal pain medication and added a half of one to see if the little bit extra. I really need to be on a higher dose or change medication but my doctor does not want to do that so I am grateful for the tiny bit it does help. One worry that I have about today is that Mom and I are planning to go to Dollar Tree...I really need to go because they have so many things that I need to stock up on but the walking is what I am concerned about though it does tend to help a littel when I have a cart to push.
Gracie is miffed at me right now. It is such a pretty day for her to be outside so decided to let her out and she would have about an hour until Mom picks me up...but she started barking lots and since I live in a complex I have to bring her in when she is really barky. I might try again in a few minutes to let her out to see if she does better, I could be wrong but I think part of her barking is wanting to see if any other dogs are outside.
I helped out with signing in the kids again today. I always enjoy it. I talked with a friend who is planning to go to Florida in May..her daughter is paying for her ticket and Lori said just hold off on it and what a blessing that was because her daughter was going to get a Skybus ticket and now that they are no longer people are not going to get money back from tickets that are already bought and some people got stuck in places because of the airliine closed down on Friday with no notice given even to the employees!!! I think something has to happen for people to get some type of payment back! It would be so crappy putting it mildly if one got stuck and did not have the money to get another ticket which would be much much much more than Skybus...as an example a family from church paid aroound $30.00 a seat and had five of them so the trip to and from was around $300.oo.

Soul asked me if I found anything good on t.v. to watch...I did watch the Home and Garden channel which is often times relaxing for me and sometimes I get bummed looking at the high price houses and such...but truth is that even if I had the money I would not want a big house...I think the largest that I would get is a two bedroom. I like my one bedroom condo and doubt if I ever will move from here. It is paid for and the condo fees are really low and also there are things close by for me to shop at and even if I had to take a cab it would be really cheap.

O.K. my embarrasing story for today...and let me say ahead of this I am SO glad that nobody else saw this! I went to the bathroom at church and felt something in my pants right so I reach down and I have a sock on the inside of my pants making a lump...and funny still or annoying is that I could not think where the other sock went. I guess it happened in the dryer or something. I again am so glad that nobody but me saw that.

I am doing better at eating more during the day and not skipping meals because as the experts say it does lead often times to a binge. The one meal that I need to work on not skipping is dinner because than later if I am hungry and tired I tend to eat junk I try to not keep junk food in the house but often there is some....and I justify it if it is on sale...like intead of getting a pint of ice cream get the big size of it....yet I went shopping on Wednesday I think it was and I have not eaten any of it yet plus I got 3 candy bars and have not eaten any of those either...wow is that sounding good right now.....but I am going out for pizza with Mom and want to really enjoy it because it has been months since I have eaten any due to needing to save money and also I tend to binge on it so not good. I know going out to eat it I will not binge while there but concerned if there are leftovers if I bring them home than I will. I need to write some emails but probably will post later about the shooping trip and how I did with e4ating pizza.

saturday.........

so far has been a good day. i slept last night which always makes a day better! i went to the library and started reading off my fines. the downtown library is a beautiful building. it also is a great place to people watch. yesterday i went to go swimming and soak in the whirlpool...wow did that whirlpool feel good! i was frustrated though because my one leg was in so much pain that even trying to kick with that leg when i was swimming was not working well so i decided to walk in the pool and kind of drag that leg to get some exercise at least. i want to keep trying to swim...i think that i am going to try an arthritis water class that they have at victory's where i have a pass. i am sure it will help me get ideas about what to do in the pool that is easy on the joints yet good exercise. i am hoping that there are some good shows to watch tonight. oh and it is warm today which is great and tomorrow it is to be around 65 degrees maybe spring is on it's way here.

tired today yet a good day.................

last night was another night of sleeping 3 hours and then not much the rest of the night just mini times that lasted like 15 minutes how weird is that! i had my appointment with nan today and that went well. nan is a very caring and wise therapist and i am blessed to be able to see her. i got home and made some reservations with mainstream. i plan to go to the main library on saturday. i enjoy reading the magazines that there is no way i could afford. the main library is downtown so it also is a great place to people watch. i also plan to start reading off my fines...i owe lots! i got so used to returning books late sometimes when i worked there....and if you work there you do not have to pay fines. i am eager though to read my fines off so that i can again check out books. i love and i do mean love reading and have since i was a little kid. i miss it when i do not read often...my mom even mentioned to me that she thought that i should start reading again since i do better emotionally when i read...who knows why except that at times when my mind is racing it helps me focus on one thing. i have books at home but have read most of them and the ones that i have that i have not read were given to me instead of the person throwing them away but i am not really into really morbid and scary mysteries. i just was figuring out that if i read for 11 hours the fines will be read off. i think that i can read say 2 or 3 hours each time i gstay motivated and go twice a week i could get the fines read down in two weeks. i know that i have said this before but i really am a avid reader....my mom used to joke that if there was nothing around to read i would read the cereal box and other labels. so here is a question for today....what type of books are people reading and what are some favorites?
trying to think of lj's today......nice mainstream drivers...being able to share some laughs with nan today...thinking of going tomorrow to swim and best of all to soak in the whirlpool....i liked how i am staying positive even in the midst of the not sleeping bipolar issues and with my physical pain too....i am moving really really slow today but i am moving slow yet sure like to go to see nan and such.i...i need to do laundry but have been putting it off just washing the same couple of outfits but i do have clean clothes for tomorrow so i do not have to do that tonight...and that feels good to me today even though i know that i have to do laundry this weekend. i think my posts lately have been kind of boring but this is what i got right now to share..oh one more lj is i found a target gift card that has five dollars on it and guess what is in the target that i go to? starbucks and since they are in the target store they have to take the target gift cards...i am already thinking of a yummy latte and with it with milk and perhaps rasberry or vanilla flavoring....or perhaps i will spend it on some items for crafts......not sure when i will be going there so have lots of time to decide.

COOKIE

I just got back from going to Borders. I was really happy with myself because I got a skinny latte with sugar free flavorings but then ended up getting a cookie. The cookies there are wonderful and big too. I am trying to not get so upset with myself that I either not eat enough or that I binge later on tonight. Elenore and I getting together for dinner will help that some I think.

April is here what fun....................NOT

April is here....April tends to be a rough month for most people who deal with bipolar. I still do not understand how the weather can affect bipolar but it does...even doctors know this. My sleep again last night was 3 hours straight and then sleeping like 15 minutes and being awake for awhile and back and forth. I am also starting to have some of the symptoms that typically make me end up in the hospital. I am DETERMINED to NOT go into the hospital. I need to keep reminding myelf that what is going on are the symptoms of the bipolar and I have dealt with them before and that I can get through them. The begining of April is also hard for me because it is my ex's birthday on the 15th. I wonder how CJ is but I have to deal with CJ not wanting any contact with me. I am not the type of person who throws away friendships and I wanted to stay in some contact but trying to deal with the boundaries given to me...even if I do not agree or want the same.
Today it is sunny and cold yet at least it is sunny. The rest of my day is kind of a busy one for me...I have an appointment with Al my case manager....we are meeting at Borders so looking foward to splurging and getting a yummy latte. My mom bless her is picking up my meds and dropping them off to me. My friend Elenore is taking me out to dinner at Bob Evans so that will be fun. We always have lots to talk about. I am thinking I want to talk to her about us making a time we meet every month and if we make it later in the month I will be able to pay for my own dinner or coffee. We often just do not have the time to chat lots when we are at church and with my working with kids and she greets people and then also helps pass out the cds we give to people who visit....she also gives ride to a woman so she is such a giver in actions and sharing her money and such. I would like to be more like her.
I am thinking of using this blog to track better what I eat and such...food is an issue right now again due to the bipolar so have to funny as it seems make myself eat...I would like in many ways to have that problem all the time.... : ) I was thinking I have not asked a question in awhile and since I am going to enjoy a coffee drink later on here my question is if you are a person who likes coffee and likes things like lattes what is your favorite coffee drink or do you just like regular coffee? I think my favorite lattes are hazelnut or vanilla with a shot of caramel....yummy! I think today I will ask for them to make it with skim milk and what sugar free flavors they have or who knows I might treat myself to just a regular one......getting one will for sure be an lj in my day...hanging out with Elenore....gracie being a really good not barking outside on the patio......

Questions

I saw this on Jamie's blog and thought it looked fun to do....it would be fun if other blogger answered these.......

1. Where is your mobile phone? in my purse
2. Your significant other? nobody
3 Your hair? curly
4 Your mom? a duracell bunny with all the energy she has at her age.
5. Your father? dead
6. Your favorite thing? well jesus is not a thing per say but God is my favorite.
7. Your dream last night? don't remember
8. Your favorite drink? coke
9. Your dream/goal? to be healthy physically and mentally
10. The room that you are in? living room
11 Your ex? not sure
12 Your feat? not living the life God wants me to
13 Where do you want to be in 6 years? not sure
14 Where were you last night? in bed
15. What your not? thin
16 Muffin? not sure
17. One of your wish list items? a printer
18 Where did you grow up? ohio
19. The last thing you did? go to the grocery stores
20.What are you wearing now? jeans and a sweatshirt
21Your tv? in the bedroom
22 Your pets? gracie my dog
23 your computer? one of the possesions that i use lots
24 your life? hard yet blessed
25 your mood? good
26 missing someone? my ex
27 your car? none]
28.something your not wearing? shoes]
29. favorite store? target
30 your summer? same as the rest of the year
31 like someone? i like most people but nobody special on in my life
32 favorite color? purple
33 when is the last time you laughed? do not remember
34 when is the last time you cried? last thursday i think
35who will repost this? i do not know

OHIO WEATHER....

Today is an example of what weird and changing weather we have here in Ohio...it was 55 degrees this morning and as the day went on it kept getting colder and colder and now the forecast is to be 29 yes 29 degrees tonight! I did sleep last night...I slept for about 14 hours which is typical when I have not slept much in a few days.
I did my big grocery shopping trip today. I get in much pain when I do it but it makes the rest of the month so much easier when I do it that way. I am blessed to be able to go to the church food pantry so between that and the small amount that I can spend on groceries I get by. I sure enjoy when I get bargains too...it helps that I go to 2 - 3 stores. Gracie went with mom and I to ride...she LOVES riding in the car and she is really great when we take her! I think she gets tired out too by all of the watching people and such....we always have one of us in the car with her because I do not feel comfortable leaving her alone in the car.
I am really tired tonight! I am not sure if it is becaue of the busy day with lots of walking and because of the pain or if it is still from not sleeping good for several nights....so some lj's lately....gracie and her sweet self even if she does bark alot at people coming and going in the parking lot that we face...finding it relaxing to read blogs and to be able to blog myself...warm sweatshirt on a day when the temperature was dropping fast...getting some really good deals at the store...nice people who are checking me out like the young woman who scanned something for me that i did not know the price and had told me before she did it was not a problem if i did not want it....mom buying her and i a quick lunch with the wendy's value menu which has such good deals......mom and i having those carts on four wheels to carry things in makes it much easier for both of us to take our grocieries in each of our places...none of these things are huge things but they do make life easier and bring a bit of joy into the day......oh one more thing that is an lj is that i found my gift card that i have from target that just has $5.00 on it but still that is alot of money if you consider that inside the target i go to is a starbucks plus they have the deals that are my the door...