monday afternoon

so far i have not eaten much at all. my pain level has been really acute last night and today so i have been laying down most of the day so far and the funny thing is gracie has been resting as much as i did!
1:30 p.m. i tried for the second time the healthy choice cafe steamers...they are really really good i think...the beef was done and the veggies were done yet still a bit crispy. the sauce was so good too. i was really impressed with them and encourage others to try them. i am not sure how much they were because a friend bought some food for me (which was so sweet) i know that i plan to get them again the next time i need to stock my freezer which right now is full of food.i should have eaten sooner but i got up and let gracie out and then she came back in so i took some of my medications and we both went to rest and she slept i think....i did not sleep but did rest some of my leg so that was good choice for me today. i got up and let gracie out took the other medications for the day and then decided to eat something. i am wating because i am still not quiter full but want to wait a bit to see if i still am. i think if i had eaten a salad or such with the dinner i would not have been still hungry. well i stayed hungry and wanted to eat something healthy so i ended up eating oatmeal which i really like and now i am full. i am really trying to eat carbs with protein so figured that the meat was the protein with the oatmeal even though it is not typical to eat oatmeal with a frozen dinner for me. : )
i think my eyes are getting worse because i need to wear my glasses more. i would like to get them checked out but even if i got into the free clinic if i needed new glasses i could not afford them. i feel older if i have to wear my glasses all of the time but funny thing is i do not think a think bad about others young or older or even kids who have to wear them! i used to have a pair of really great glasses that the frames were purple looking like metal and i got comliments on them. when i went to get the new glasses the framers were to shot they said to use and since bvr paid for them i had just a few choices. i am grateful for them..just missing the purple ones that i used to have and those i even wore all of the time not that i had to at that time but i got compliments on them and felt they were something trendy to wear which i almost all of time am not trendy . i am one of those people who do not seem to follow the trends like to be basic with jeans or sweat style pants and tee shirts and such.
not much planned for today....andy is coming over after work to take my trash out for me so that is such a HUGE help because with a cane in one hand and trying to carry the trash in the other just is a mess and i tend to trip or drop things even if i use a cart it is difficult for me to push the cart and use my cane. andy and i go to church together and he was one of the people who helped at my place a few weeks ago. he is a sweet young man.
i ate a snack of chex mix one serving at around 4:30 p.m. i should eat something else before it gets later but not sure what i want.............hmmmm i think i might end up drinking a slim fast later on and call it dinner.

Food on Sunday

9:oo a.m. I ate some oatmeal at home and it was around 45 minutes that I had been awake so that is good not only what time that I ate but what I ate also. 11:15 a.m. I had 3 mini muffins at church and water to drink. I took a can of diet pop with me so I had one at home and one at church. I got home and am drinking another diet pop so am drinking too much pop in such a short time. The church always has coffee and hot water to make cocoa or tea but today with the heat cold things sounded so much better. I decided that when mom and I get together today to go out to eat I will drink water or ice tea. I like ice tea so much but think that for now I have drank lots of caffaine...also now at most lf the places around here to eat are charing way high prices I think for ice tea when it is $2.00! It like pop ane coffee are not that expensive for them. Mom is picking me up at 2:00 so I am glad that I had a snack at church. It will be around by the time we get there and order and such will be eating around 2:30 p.m. so that will be around 4 hours between eating anything so that is good that it will not be longer. I am thinking of having a snack before I go but I think that I will wait. I also want to try to remember to eat something later on tonight because often when I eat out and a meal I tend to not eat in the evening...or if I do it is snack type food. I think I want to eat something like carrots and dip or such.
So talk to me about meals you like...food issues...do you eat meals or tend to do like 6 mimi meals almost like snacks.
I am back from eating out..I had tortilla soup and nachos that had cheese and black beans and peppers and such. I stopped at Walgreens to get some yep you guessed it i got some ice cream...i should have stopped at a Wendy's and get one of the newest flavor of Frosty's which is vanilla. I got two pints of ice cream so at leat I got pints I guess.I think that I am going to try to eat something healthy at least once more today. I hope everyone is having a good day.............

Saturday

I am listening to the light summer rain and the smell of summer rain I enjoy too. I used to really enjoy walking in the rain when it was warm outside and there was not storms. Today I have been reflecting on last evening. It was a great time of worhip...great time of prayer too and it was a full living room too. My heart hurts for a young man who has started coming around and seems to be in lots of emotional pain...and seems like from what he has shared that life is overflowing right now with lots of painful things.
I was thinking of some lj's for today and yestereday....being able to go to the group last evening...friends who know and pick up on my body language when things are rough and talk and pray for me....even in the summer with warmer weather i still like oatmeal...i slept without having to have the fan on....gracie and i both slept really good......having a computer that works....email and blogger buddies...that i enjoy reading...that mom lets me go over to her place a couple times of week to shower since right now due to my shower and tub situation i cannot shower at home so need to take sponge baths...mom making some pesto for dinner tonight with her fresh basil which is growing very fast....gracie at times acting so silly.....those are some so far right now..................

Food

I think that I am going to try to list what i eat on the blog each day...not so much for judgement but perhaps for ideas and encouragement...so I will be adding to this during the day....

11:30 a.m. I got up at 10:25 so I did eat within within two hours of waking up. I had oatmeal and stirred in some peanut butter. I did drink two diet cherry cokes 4:00 p.m. I ate with Mom at her home and we had yummy bbq chicken. I had pesto with noodles...and a wonderful salad with a mixture of greens. 8:00 p.m. i ate a klondike for a snack I forgot to mention that the pesto was homemade from the basil my mom is growing.The herbs that are growing on her patio are really growing fast and fresh herbs are so much better than the kind one gets in a bottle at a store.

Friday

Not much to say today...I am in a heap of pain due to falling off the bed last night while I was asleep. I had something to eat when I got up...pb bagel sandwich and some ice cream...i need to drop eating the ice cream and stop having it at home. The group that I am going to tonight is going to be all praer and worship..there are some really sweet times when we do this and often times God will share words for people which are encouraging. It is hard at first to think that God wants one to share something but I will do is say that I think God is showing me something so that it does not come across that God for sure or perhaps it is my own thoughts. I know this can open up lots of discussion so that is fine too because I wanted to post what is going on right now with me. I hope you all have a good weekend..........think of some lj's

Food Today so far...................

I had soup and a klondike bar for breakfast....for a late lunch I had a DQ blizzard and a small fries and double cheeseburger....lots of fast food the past few days not good for me but oh does it taste good.
We had a really bad storms last night and had a tornado warnings and so....I found myself singing hymms lots among watching the weather report. Gracie surprized me and did better than she is during usual thunder and lightening. I was blessed by that and that I stayed calm and even stayed calm when for the 3rd time this week the electric has gone off for a few hours. I got a phone message that they think that they solved one problem and know what the other problems are and would be fixing them soon.
Getting back to food...I have mentioned this before but I have got to figure out other ways than food to cope when my physical pain level is high. I know that the experts say to sit at a table to eat but it is kind of sad and boring to me to sit at my table alone so I do better when I eat at the computer desk...or watching t.v. ...playing with Gracie...for those readers who are single or who due to whatever families do not eat togther have you experienced the same thing? I hope to not eat much at all the rest of the day...I think if I do get hungry I will drink a slim fast or have some veggies and dip. I better get Gracie inside as she is being one barking pup right now.

Running Errands.

Mom is picking me up in about 45 minutes for us to run some errands. I am also going to go over to her place so that I can take a real shower since mine is still not working....sounds funny to say please pray that my shower can be fixed quickly and soon and not cost too much. Last night the lights went out again like they did this weekend. They were out for about 7 hours! I ended up going to sleep and then waking up when it got turned back on with my washer going and also the light and fan in the main room going so needed to get up and turn everything off...and make sure that since the computer was on when it happened that it still worked and all of that. The paving company has been working on paving so lots of hassles this week so far. I ate a p.b. sandwich so a good mix of carbs and proteins so that was good choice for breakfast. I wanted to eat some yougurt with it but the yougurt even though it had valid date it tasted bad to me...and with the electricity off want to be extra careful if food tastes bad since the electric was out for awhile. It should be fine but I am extra picky and have a nose that is extra sensative so probably the yougurt will not be the only thing that I try and will taste funny thoght it might be all in my head too......

Tuesday has been......................

a day of not getting much done. I did not sleep last night much at all and so was an early bird and tried to nap later on but could not so guessing that I will try to relax and watch t.v. AND remember to take my medications. I forgot last night and thus why not sleeping much at all. The show " America Has Talent" is on tonight and it is so goofy at first like American Idol. I really think that some people know that they do not have talent but want to be on t.v. amd becaise they are so goofy that is why they get on t.v. What do others think about the show?

a day of grief for the death of a family friend. Paul was a very special man. He knew that he was dying and was told with his cancer he would like 18 months and he did. He and Barbara i really liked their family and spent lots of time over there when I was young. He has 3 kids and and Lisa and I are the same age. She lives in CA now and it has been YEARS since I have seen her and her family. It has been that long since I think I have also seen Sara and have not met her husband and Bret. Bret moved back from D.C. so have not seen him yet but will see all of them soon in a few weeks is the memorial service.

a day of wanting to stay home yet also want to get out some too. The parking lot was paved yesterday so should be o.k. for calls to be on it and then Mom and I can get out some.

a day when food has been rough...not wanting to eat much...i ate yougurt earlier for breakast and just now it is about 4:00 p.m. and i had a p.b. sandwich and of course now that i have eaten some i want to eat more. i think i am going to have a half of a pb sandwich and then maybe a klondike bar.

hope that everyone is having a good day....................

: )

It is fun to see what comments that I am getting with the last post. It was fun to do. The lights went out last night and they took about two hours to get back on...it was an outage on my whole street. I am trying to start organizing things so trying to do that some and then give myself a break. It has been fun finding things that I have not seee in years and has been bittersweet going through some of the photos and card and such. I am so happy with myself for keeping things neat and with making progress on the boxs and such. One thing that I had totally forgotten about is a box of pastel oils and pencils that are color but the really expensive kind....probably post later and take a nap it was an early morning with trucks in the parking lot going to mpave it and the noise of the machines and the loud talking of the guys made me a bit grumpy and gracie lots grumpy...maybe we can both take a nap................

Going to try................

and follow Kelly Jene's last post and think of 100 things about me and probably some of them will be like what she said.......

1. I wil have a birthday in July.
2. I love Jesus and know that He loves me...as I am AND encourages me to be a better person.
3. I know this one is hard to guess.....ha ha that my favorite color is purple.
4. I have severe mental illnesses.
5. I strive to do all that I can to keep them in control.
6. I have curly hair.
7. I have severe leg and knee pains all of the time.
8. I need to lost much weight.
9. I like to swim.
10. I need to get organized to get to the pool (indoors) and exercise It is all woman so I am more comfortable.....
11. I am wasting my Mom's money if I do not use the pass at the work out place.
12. I really like playing Upwords
13. I am NOT competive so not a good team player at games,
14. I read more than many people that I know...similar to Kelly Jene reading.
15. My longest long term romantic relationship lasted 3 years
16. I love to write and hope to write a book someday.
17. My childhood was not happy.
18. My 40's have been the best years even during the hard times.
19. Knowing what menal illneses I have has been helpful.
20. I have a dog who is like a kid to me and her name is Gracie
21. I would like to get a bird but they are expensive and Gracie would not do well with a bird and the mess.
22. I like all types of music.
23. I love that the people I go to church are real with what is going on and also the statement of loving people with mercy showing the love of Jesus
24. I need to get back to writing every day....meaning write in a jornal and write for the book.
25. I never became a wiccan but had some friends who were into it.
26. I like Wheel of Fortune and other games like that and do well also with programs like Are you smarter than a 5th grader/
27. I watch more t.v. than I would like to...an addiction of sorts
28. I have an addictive personality even if it a good thing I get hooked on things
29. I am grateful and thankful that I do not use drugs anymore.
30. I feel so loved and accepted at the church I go to and some people know much of my story,
31. I would like to see more of my nephews and families.
32. I would also like to see my sister and brother in law more.
33. All of the above mentioned live outside of the city I live in and some others live in other states.
24. I really like hanging out with kids of all ages from like zero to preteen...and have used that liking kids to have worked in daycares and as a nanny.
25. I think that I would be too boring to come up with 100 things about me so decided to think about and get ideas from what kelly jene wrote.
26.I have many fears.
27. I am blesses in the past 3 years to have some really fantastic therapists.
28. Going to the center for balanced living which used to be called center of eating disorders it is where nan is and will was...everyone is over in a real way kind and helpful and such.
29. Foods scertain ones I am addicted to.
30. I need to stop having ice cream at home because I end up eating way too much of ot.
31. I tend to like really bold colors on my walls.
32. Paint colors so far I think are going to be..........mocha color for kitchen..antique blue like or deep green for the main room....vivid green or eeyore blue for the bathroom...my bedroom purple and purple and more purple.
*33. I am having hard decision what color to paint the floor...sticking with the cement
34.I have massive things that I need to unpack from when the people came to clean boxed up things that they were not sure if I wanted them or not etc....
35. People who will not let anyone else talk and who think they know all of the amswers bother me.
36. I do not use a cell phone much but it is a blessing to have especially when I ride Mainstream and for calling long distance in the evenings.
37. I am not that great with things like ipods and saving music on the computer and have a scanner but would like to get those things sometime and a digital camera too would be fun.
38. I am celebrating my birthday 4 times so far! My mom and my friend Eleanor and I are going out to eat lunch on that Saturday. Michelle and I are going to go out for snacks that evening. My sister and bil have things to do in the city on thursdsay so with gas they are just wanting to make one trip for it all which I understand....nan and i both have birthdays the same week so we will celebrate wtih dessert ...oh and one more i thought of just now is with my best friend september we are doing something with their vacations and such it will be moved to august so another tme to celebrate.
39. My friend September is the longest friendship that we both have and we have been friends for 20 years. She is one of those friends that we often due to her life and the kids and husband and work and school we do not often get much time face to face but email and phone and can catch up quickly YET when life is hard and tough we are still friends above and beyond and she and i both would drop what we are doing if thier was a crisis with her or our families and be such a support. She was such a suppprt when my step dad Paul died.
40. I notice when I write on the blogs and even when I am writing here I tend to make a simple statement into a long one.
41. I love to worship
42.Clothing I buy for the most part in catalogs.
43. I like to buy some of the same things that Kelly Jene does and I tend to buy the writing or artistic things even when money is tight.
44. I love shopping at the Dollar Tree where things are actually a dollar. I even got 3 pairs of socks for one dollar.
45. I really like socks and am hard on socks.
46. I know it is not "cool" but I like white socks. I got to wearing white socks when I had all of the leg operations and the wanted me to wear white ones so if they got wet it wold not bleed ink into the incessions
47. It is very noticable that I am NOT good at spelling,
48. I am also NOT good at punctuation,. In school I would get an A in content and a D in grammer.
49.I like the smells of vanilla and musk and patrollit (again spelling not right)
50. I would like to when I write my book to get it into public selling.
51. I will need a good editor for when I write it. One person suggested where one can get one of those dictaion recorders and it can hold much and can also be recrding it and typing it at the same time. Kelly Jene I think that you would really like it.
52. I have two tattos that I want to get but probablly will not due to money and also not sure if I can handle the pain even thought my pain level is high.
53. I have a high pain tolerance.
54. I want to get my nose repierced...but again right now is not a time for me to spend money on those...hopefully sometime.
55. I would like to be able to use a bke and go to soem of the biking trails.
56. I used to like taking long walks but now canno do that.
57.My mom and sister sing very well but that gene just escaped me.
58. My sister is a Christain recording artist that travels
59. My nephew B owned his own recording business but is hooking up with two recording studioes and he can still keep his own clients plus get some extra hours and make money so that they will not be struggling more.
60. My mom hasd a super talent for cooking and arranging parties and brunches and my sister also has the hospitality gene but it skipped me also.
61.I am related to Nancy Hanks the wife of Abraham Lincoln. I always wonderd since she was depressed that the stories go and did that gene of mental illness come all of the way down to this generation
62. I MUCH prefer writing to communciat than talking some times.
63. I like crabapple jelly is my favorite type of jelly and I am not much of a fruit flavored lover.
64. My favorite flavor is cherry.
65. I do not like regular pepsi but like diet pepsi.
66. I like diet pepsi but not diet coke unless it is the cherry one or the caffaine free diet coke
67. I really like looking for bargains. I saved $12.00 when I went shopping today.
68. I should keep up with politics more than I do.
69. I like when I keep up with my brain thinking about little and big joys in life.
70. I really prefer a more slow and common life.
71. I REALLY need to start being somewhat green in my life!
72. I am an adult but still prefer child type candy.
73. My right leg has been operated on about 7 if I remember right and my left ankle one time thus the reason for so much arthritis.
74. I would like to see in concert sometime U2....
75. I want to try to go to the zoo this summer.
76. I would like to go back to the aquarium which is only about two hours trip
77. I love watching penguins and all that I have learned about them and how they have babies and the process and such.
78. I have not driven for about 10 years now. It is better for everyone out there on the road that I am not.
79. I do not like to travel.
80. I freak out when I get away from home for even one night.
81. I have lots of places that I want to go to but know due to my phobias that unless something major happens.
82. I have never flown.
83. I was little and rode a train from Ohio to Indiana and am told that I really liked it
84. I am not sure why but somehow when I was little like 5 or so if I got really mad I would yell P U S NO...
85. I want and need to read the Bible more
86. I want and need to pray more.
87. Years ago I wanted to adopt and foster kids who had disabilities.
88. I would still love to do that but with the way my brain is I do not even think that they would even look at my application.
89. I want to volunteer with children.
90.Some favorite movies are...Sound of Music...Shawshank Redemption...the Priest...Rattle and Hum...
91. I have never been to a sushi bar but would like to try it sometime.
92. A phrase that I say lots which I should stop it but it pops out at times and that is "holy mother of crap"
93. I am really feeling close to some of my blogger buddies.
94. I hope some day to be more like Kelly Jene with her beliefs and how she walks the talk and is real.
95.I would like to meet and hear in concert James Blunt.
96. I really do not like much fruit at all due to the mushy factor of most fruits.
97. I like all veggies.
98. I am trying to be more kind to the people who help me at the stores and such and hoping that a friendly hi will help the day be better.
99. The past few weeks has been full of lots of frustrating things yet also really great things and I am really feeling stable.
100 ?When I was little we owned a horse that kept running away so we had to give it away.

saturday....

well it is a sunny day with pretty clouds and enjoying having the windows open and the door open which of course gracie is so happy to have the door open..she tends to lay right in the doorway. i was planning on going to the library and had rides with mainstream but my physical pain was so intense that i canceled my rides....i did not want to trip or fall especially outside of my home.
i decided to try some light and fit yougurt from dannon and yuck...i do not like it..i think what i might do is to add some more fruit to it....add like 1/4 regular yougurt to it so that i do not waste it plus since it would be good for me to eat the lower calorie one thinking of ideas to make it so that i will eat it. i finished the yougurt and now realize it is the aftertaste that i do not like so eatiing something else with it to take away that taste would help i think....or i could combine perhaps some cereal with it. i know it is good to have protein with carbs so i had some cereal and the yougurt so maybe it is a good thing for me not to like the yougurt much so that i will not overeat that. i am trying to eat light every few hours so that helps me not binge and to eat healthier.
yesterday evening was a good night at the group...i really feel that as a group we are all bonding more and really love each other and accept each other. we are studying the parables which are really interesting and one can see things right away in them and also can think of the deeper issues that they are meaning. there is a woman who goes to group who is really struggling right now...she seems so lonely and such so i gave her my phone number last night and she called me when i got home which i was glad that she felt free to give me a call..she did not give me and i forgot to ask her for her number..so going to try to get that today from a mutual friend so that i can check in with her and also thinking it would help her with people calling so she knows that people do care and want to know how she is doing and that we can reach out to her more.
so even though it is just mid afternoon some lj's are....playing with gracie...talking to my mom on the phone and having a good conversation. she is really seeming older to me. it is a pretty day out...i like looking at clouds and think what the shape looks like...did anyone else do that when you were little trying to see if they looked like an amimal or such? i really liked that as a kid and well still do....oh some friends from church bought me two pairs of croc shoes for which i am so grateful...i did need shoes and the crocs i think are really the most comfortable shoes that i ever have worn and they are sturdy so help my legs....got an email from a friend who we have not hung out for a few years and we are going to get together in july and i am really looking forwardt to it...she still goes to the big vineyard but her daughter and family go to central vineyard where i go....what else oh someone gave me some candles from the place where he works and i really like having one lit. candles are peaceful to me.....oh kelly jene had on her blog a link to a song sung by shaun groves and i have never heard of him before but after one song i want to get his cd....he reminds me of in his style of the song that i listened to he reminded me of james blunt..thought at times james blunt can be kind of depressing songs..but he has a good voice and meaninful words to his songs...i have two books that i want to read so probably will start reading one of them...one is about mindful eating and i forget what the other one is about...and mom has two books that are Bible studys she wants me to read and then hoping soon to which would be a big joy is for my fines at the library so that i can get books from the library........hope that everyone who reads this is having a good Saturday.................peace...................

little joys

i have really been blessed and helped my outlook with thinking of lj's even if they are simple things such as right now...listening to one of my favorite cd's....being on the computer...have a great smelling candle on...watching gracie play with her new "baby" which is a stuffed bunny which i call thumper baby....and her and i playing catch too. she is really strong.....going to get together with mom to have a late lunch of fast food and gracie is going with us and have a cheeseburger with no bun one of her favorite foods....the weather is beautiful and not too warm.....it is amazing how much the weather can affect our moods....other lj's are blogger buddies...my friends who really seem like a family to me at central vineyard...diet pop....it also is an lj when i hear from others who share their little joys...guess that i am in a mood to write lots today....
i hope that you all have a good weekend! mine is going to be quiet i think and that is alright.

Ideas

I was wondering if anyone had ideas of things to cook with a george foreman grill? i was given one from nan my therapist who had boughten another one which was bigger for her family. my mom is going to come over next week and help me go thru some boxes and things that were packed up for me that i need to unpack (just things that were easier to put away while all of the cleaning was going on and that they were not sure if i wanted to keep or not...oh back to mom i am going to have her come over to help and we are going to make something on the grill and have some ideas but would like more.............

Easy Phone Call.............

I had geared myself up for phone call that I thought would take time and lots of explanations ...needing to get myself a home health aide and so I called....even got myself a full can of pop to be ready for the long phone call well the long phone call........was NOT long and WAS helpful and the ONLY thing that I need to do is to give the phone number to my doctor to have her recommend that I have one AND both of my doctors are wanting me to get this so it should continue to be an easy process................now to call the debt collector for a bill that i do NOT owe for because my insurance covers it............hopefully it will be a phone call as easy as this one was....o.k. the phone calls continue to go smoothly so three more done....(have put off getting an mamogram) not that i need one for a problem but at my age (which gets older in 3 weeks) i am to have one every year....called and left a message with the information which the bill collector wanted...should call and leave messages with the doctors about making an appointment since things are going so well with phone call making which often i put off...one office is closed for lunch and the other one i think i might wait until my next appointment to talk to him about the home health aide.....i made the call to see my one doctor to talk to her about getting the home health aide. i will see the other doctor around the 5th and then see dr. blackburn a week after that so things are continuing for me to be productive.
is amazing to me how having my home clean and with my keeping up with things like dishes and putting things away such as bills have made me have more energy. thanks again to ALL who helped me in so many ways last weekend. i am looking foward to the other things that are going to be fixed and such..........

Shout out for fans..................

I do not have a.c. because it is broke but I have 3 fans now including the ceiling fan and it has helped so much putting one in the bedroom window in the main room along with the ceiling fan it has not been bad at all. I am so grateful. It has been a better day than night due to my pain level being high. I have been playing with Gracie and on the computer and waiting for a friend to drop off some things for me.
Mom has made for a few weeks now cabbage soup and it is so good and she says it is easy to make so I think when it gets cooler that I will try to make it myself.. I really like soup and I think that I could eat it every day....even in warm weather. I used to watch a little guy who liked what we called "dry" soup and it was soup wthout the broth and he really liked chicken noodle soup that way and other. I miss him and knowing that I have not seen Nikia for years and he is 16 I would like to hang out with him and him moms. He is going to take a walk about out of the country next year I hear..I think that I am going to try to get in contact with his mom to see about us meeting for coffee or something....
The places that i want to contact in the next few days are places that I can volunteer at....a agency to see about getting a home health aide to come and help me. I need to have a doctor request it and I think that it would be something that both my regular doctor and psych doctor are wanting for me to get the help that I need.
So now that I am back it is time for me to think of some lj's....I have experienced some big joys with the people helping me with my home...having a new bed...having a stove and oven that work....people stocking me up on grocieries...getting to spend time with Mom yesterday....watching some t.v. shows that made me think and not just zone out......finding some capris that i forgot I had...so what little or big joys would you like to share?
Oh one more thing that I wanted to share is trying to make myself have a five minute rule and that is based on my therapist nan one of her rules which is a two minute rule but since i walk so i switched it a five minute and it is if something can be done in five minutes than do not put it off just do it right then and wow has that helped me. well i need to make some phone calls....

I am BACK....

AND WOW have i MISSED it! i have missed not only not being able to write emails and posts but also reading emailes and blogs.....so had not only computer problems but also regular phone issues! i have used SO many minutes on the cell phone and whew what a relief to having it all fixed! it is a long story but with a short version...the jack that my computer was hooked up on was corroded and it then it jacked up no pun intended the other phone lines....so not having line backer service it cost me around $100.oo to fix it...i am glad that they will take payments and that i did not have to pay it today!
my home is so clean. i have other things that need done but it sure is going in the right direction. i am so relaxed now that the phone and email is fixed! i could almost take a nap with the stress being gone. i will over the next few days take time to catch up on reading what is going on with people. one more thing about the fixing of the phone and internet...david the man who fixed it was so kind and knowledgable and such.....it is a large joy to have the phone and computer fixed and it is a blessing too! i think that i am going to relax some now and email some people. i sure did miss and stayed concerned about felllow bloggers...................
my shower is still not fixed so going over to my mom's tonight to eat dinner and take a shower..sponge baths can only do so many days for me. i hope that things are going well...let me know what i have missed.

p.s.

just a note to add that some places i am not able to leave a comment such like andrew on your blog. i am not sure why....but sure am missing talking to you and reading your blog. i am going to try to send you an email. to others that i have not stopped by to say hi it is again about for some reason not working to leave messages. BUMMER

Using my Mom's computur.....

because mine is still not working. I am so grateful that I can use hers. I am going to have a person from church look at it to see if he can figure out what is going on....if he cannot figure it out than I will have to pay someone like Home Computer Helper to come to my place and fix it. I have been quite surprized that my coping without it is going as well as it is...I sure do miss keeping in contact with people! I find myself wondering how everyone is.
My week has been an interesting week! I started on a new medication which I had concerns about but the doctor talked me into trying it. I did and I have far far less panic than in years. I am able to stay calm...my food and eating has been better. It is not a feeling of being high or anything like that. I wish now that I knew then and also that a doctor would have been open to letting me try it. A way to show how much it is working is that today and tomrrow some people from church are cleaning my home...deep cleaning and blessing me with a stove that works and also that I get a new bed that will not be all lumpy and what huge blessings that it all is and I am find and not paniced about people being in my home and such which is new for me. I am jsut feeling blesssed to have the help and also blessed and exited to feel peaceful....well Mom has made lunch so I think I will publish this for now and probably post again maybe later today. I am staying at a motel tonight because I do not have roaches or ants but have a gazillion spiders that is going to get sprayed to get rid of them! Even though it is a short time for now it sure feels good to be back for a few minutes. I miss you all....hopefully soon mine will be working again and that I can be back to my regular blogging self.

computer not working

My computer at home is on the fritz and not working thus not using it for some days now. I am using the one at my mom's t0day. I do not have the time that I usually take to blog since I am not at home. I miss it lots! Hope to by next weekend to have it working again....that is why it has been quiet at my end

Wednesday

It has stormed all night and rained almost all day today. I know we need the rain but it makes for a long night for me! Gracie bless you is terrified of storms and it seemed like I would get her calmed down and us both back in bed and then it would storm again and thunder and the lightening. I am not sure which one scares her more.............so between the storms and my pain and gracie not much sleep at all last night. i was going to try to take a nap but gracie still is kind of in a still scared mood it seems....hiding under furniture but then when i call for her she comes right away guess still kind of spooked because of it. she is laying in the hallway with our door open and watching the birds and such so she must be a bit better. i kept thinking last night that andrew would love these storms..
my crooked rose bush is blooming and looks pretty even though it tends to just be having roses on one side. i did not prune it when i should have so that is why i think that it is like that. i am not a person who does well with plants which bums me since i like them just cannot grow them plus my patio most of it is not in the sun so that does not help at all either......................yep the dog is spooked still...a child started crying in the parking lot and she hurried inside here and is under the desk,,,,i sure love her so it is hard for me to watch her being this way. i think too she gets a bit of a panic with my cane because i dropped it a few times not on her or even near here she just is i guess trying to cope after last night. they were bad storms...then she woke me up a few times because she was out of her water and food so i gave her more water which of course she had some but drank it all and then i fed her again during the storms thinking that might help towards the end of the storms she ate and that seemed to make her a bit more calm.
tonight i am going over to my moms to eat looking foward to her home cooking. she is cooking for a meal to take to a family we have been friends with even before i was born and paul the father is dying and he is wanting some home made cooking things he has not been able to eat in years so to help out mom is making dinner and then making lemon squares which he loves...they are yummy. it is so hard for the family to know these are his last days and for him too of course. he is a strong believer in God and i know that is helping him and his family and all of their friends to cope also.
what else................oh some people are volunteering to come help me with the condo which is much needed....and when it is interesting so that now my shower head does not work so something else that needs fixed. they are going to come a week from saturday so for that weekend i will not be near the computer since i plan since i trust them and in my small space think i would just be in the way so not sure what i will do..might go to the library and read for a few hours and things like that. i think mom and i will go out to eat once or twice during that friday and saturday....the bathroom is getting some new tiles...the oven is hopefully going to get fixed and some painting done. gracie gets to go to for paws which she does really well there so that is a relief.i will be praying for no storms that weekend because where the crates are they can see the window depending on if they are crated in the big room with all the windoes or the smaller one. i guess i should have titled this life with gracie.................................so some lj's are that i get to go over to mom's for dinner....listening to the radio....my computer is working fine even though the today the electric blinked on and off a few times....gracie is napping now which she really needs...gosh i talk about her like she is a kid but in lots of way she is my "kid" and we are so close she can tell the feelings i have when i want her to let me pet her and vice versa i can tell what she is feeling and such....guess that is it for now....................hope everyone has a good day full of lj's.......................

What a fun morning!

This morning helping out with the kids was really fun today! We started the summer program which the kids seem to really enjoy it...they sang some songs I had not heard of...such as....God is bigger than the boogy man....songs that they clap hands...stomp feet...yell a phrase...and such. We are having the older kids in school be outside part of the time which is great...the kids who are in school go into the class that they will start in the fall in school...we have tee shirts that are cute and now an official name tag....the kids were in a good mood...we also moved the babies to upstairs where we meet for church so handier for the workers and for parents to not have to go downstiars and such.....what else about this a.m. OH i got to hold two babies today which i always enjoy...one is still really young and i got to see him for the first time with his eyes open...the other one looks so much like her sister does.
Kids really help me cheer up even on rough days....mainstreasm was a half hour late picking me up so I wsa late to the kids table but Erika bless her got the table ready for me. I told the Mainstream driver it was not her I was mad at because she was following the manifest....I decided that I would arrive real early than chance getting picked up later.
Mom and I are going out to eat..I am not sure where we are going I just need for it to be a sit down type when you order and such because with the pain I am having today I decided that I need to use the walker. SO besides the pain and the late trip I have lots of lj's for today! Gracie is enjoying soaking in the sun.
I have a question.....which do people think is more effective...aleve or regular motrin? I think that aleve helps some but one can only take it every 12 hours but motrin helps a little less but I can take it more times a day. I am really trying to not take either one since they say that both of those products can be hard on one's stomach.............well going to write a couple more emails befor mom gets here and while Gracie is enjoying the sun...Hope that you can find some lj's today