Friday.............

is here and I am so happy about that......because I am going over to my Mom's to take a shower since mine does not work. It is going to be a busy weekend full of ups and downs. I think that I mentioned that a good friend of the family died..Paul who was such a man of God and also a dear family friend. The memorial service is tomorrow. It will most likely be one with many people there. Tomorrow is my birthday. I typically get really depressed but this year I have not. My friend Eleanor and Mom and I are going out to eat Sunday is probably be a routine one. One of the gifts from my mom is to pay off my libary fines so that I can start checking out books again. I am right now besides the Bible am reading two books. One of the books is about extreme muscle pain and the other is about variou ailments of the brain ...very interesting. It is not like a text book it is a doctor's observations with people he knows and are his patients.....things such as the brain telling a young man that he is not blind....a doctor with tics all of the time except when he is performing an operation or dealing with one of his patients. i need to read other things than medical and mental illnesses so being able to check things out of the library i need to make sure that i check light reading out too
gracie is doing so great being out on the patio. she has spent almost the whole day out there. she is going to be bummed when mainstream comes and i have to go since she will have to come inside.
i hope that eveyone can find some lj's in ones day. i hope that everyone has a good weekend.

Painful day................

and I have been trying to get things done such as cleaning so my pain is much worse due to my stubborness.....at least now with doing laundry i can sit down in between loads. i am grumpy today....i did have my appointment with nan which was good as normal but besides her i am not much in a mood to talk to people...i think it is a combination of lots of things including the physical pain and deep thinking and who knows what else....that is all that i have for now. maybe i will have more tonight....having a birthday always causes many thoughts and feelings and my birthday is on saturday.

little joys and big ones.....................

Today has been overall a good day except for later afternoon I got grumpy and the only things that I can figure out is that it has to do with my cycle. Mom and I went out to eat for lunch. We went and did some shopping for basics such as dog food and those sorts of things. I did buy some socks. I am really hard on socks and go thru them really fast...I also needed to buy some black socks to go with a pair of black pants that I am wearing to a funeral on Saturday. I am planning to dress up which for me means a nice shirt and a pair of black pants that I wear on a regular basis. So after shopping Mom and I had to wait for my rx's to be filled so I wanted to go to Starbucks so we did and not sure why but my frappacino was free! I went back to get my rx's and one of them was free because with my rx plan I paid enough this year that it should be free for the rest of the year. So those are a little joy and a big joy. I got home and had a package which to get packages are always fun I think and it was some of the clothing my Mom bought me for my birthday so that was fun to open up and see...she had gotten some of the ideas for what i wanted yet had some ideas of her own which is so sweet.....
so i sure do not want to sound like i am bragging...and i do not want to depress anyone who is having a hard time. so................please know that i am just trying to share some little and big joys..............but please let me know if you think that it is rude of me to share so much. i just consider days like this God working and reminds me of things like the blessing kelly jene and her family was blessed with being able to take a vacation....and other things such as these......
i am planning to relax and watch t.v. andplay with gracie. i would like feedback on what i questioned about...and i hope that you can find some lj's and bj's in your days.........
o.k. one more thing is that i do know lots of my readers struggle much and i never want to hurt someones feelings. i am open too for sharing some about the being on disability and with some ideas for help with getting medical help and things like that....and am here if one needs to emotionally vomit and has more specific prayer requests than general ones if you want for me to pray for.

PRAYER REQUEST

PRAYER REQUEST....JEFF C THE PASTOR WHERE I GO TO CHURCH IS HAVING A OPERATION ON FRIDAY. HE IS HAVING ISSUES WITH CHRONIC INTENSE PAIN WITH HIS SPINAL CORD BEING ON HIS NERVES. PLEASE PRAY FOR THE DOCTOR TO KNOW WHAT TO DO AND TO USE THE SKILLS HE HAS...FOR A FAST RECOVERY...FOR HIS KIDS AND WIFE BUT FOR HIS KIDS WHO WILL WANT DAD TO BE ABLE TO GET AROUND....FOR HIS RECOVERY TO BE SMOOTH AND THAT THIS OPERATION TAKES THE PAIN AWAY. PLEASE PRAY TOO THAT PEOPLE WILL GIVE HIM SPACE AND NOT BOTHER HIM WHILE HE IS RECUPING THAT IF THEY NEED TO OR HAVE TO SPEAK WITH A PASTOR THEY WILL CONTACT PATRICK OR MICHAEL OR HIS OR HER SMALL GROUP LEADER.
ALSO A GROUP FROM CHURCH LEFT TODAY TO GO TO CAMBODIA AND THAILAND TO VISIT THE ORPHANAGES . PLEASE PRAY FOR A SAFE AND UNEVENTFUL TRAVEL. PLEAE PRAY FOR THE TEAM BECAUSE MANY OF THEM HAVE NOT BEEN THERE YET OR ON SUCH A LONG TRIP BEFORE...AND FOR THEIR FAMILIES HERE THAT THE WEEKS WILL GO SMOOTHLY FOR WIVES AND THE KIDS TO GET ALONG AND CAN OPEN UP TO OTHER PEOPLE WHEN THEY NEED HELP OR WANT SOME SUPPORT. I AM EAGER TO HEAR ABOUT THE TRIP. I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT I TAKE TIME DURING THE DAY WHENEVER THEY COME TO MIND BOTH JEFF AND THE TEAM TO PRAY FOR THEM.

Hot Day................

It is a hot day and so all three fans are on here....my mom's a.c. is still not working and i think that the maintnance guy has been there eight times and the carpet cleaners once and will have to come back again because of the carpet is wet again. it seems better to me to get a new a.c. but mom and i do not think that will happen. i am glad for her that she lives on the 15th floor so she gets some breeze.
Today has been a good day...I hesitate to share because I know other bloggers who suffer much and without insurance do not have the means to go and get checked out and pay it in cash. I will just say for now that I had a doctor's appointment and it went well. I like much how my doctor listens to me and takes time with me. Today she had a student doctor following her around which was fine since we just needed to talk she did not need to check my body out so would not had been comfortable with a student doctor there but the student was female which is always easeir for me...but i still do not think that i would have let her be in the room. the doctor is always kind about letting me say if i am alright with it or not.i am all for students learning and such just some days i am more open to them being in the room.
I think from our conversations that she wants me to really pursue the rehab place more so one of these days when i have time and patience i will call the billing department and have them talk to me about what goes on if i get my check when i am there or not. i have heard if it is only 3 months one gets the checks still and then i have heard that one does not. i have to still pay my bills when i am in there so if i did not get my checks than i could not do it unless somehow came up with the money for the basic bills like utilities....condo fee and such....
i wanted to try my stove out tonight but it is so hot that i might just wait until it is at least a bit cooler.....................
some lj's for today...i ate breakfast which is good for me to do....had really nice drivers today and in fact had allen who is my favorite driver. we always have good conversations and talk about Jesus and the Bible and what is going on in each of our lives....Ann who is one of the office help at the doctors office is so friendly and makes one feel welcome and anything you need that she can help you with she does it...she is a inspiration to me because about a year ago or so she got hit by a truck so suffers daily with intense pain but she does not show it even when you ask her she will be honest and tell you how bad it is but she does not seem to feel sorry for herself...i want to be more like her...oh actually a big joy and that is after all of these years gracie is getting better at going outside to go pee and poop! i tried something new and i think it helps and that is when she has an accident i clean it up with a combo of water and clorox not much of the clorox but enough to make it cleaned up and she does not like the smell of clorox so she will not go in the same spot like she used to go . i hope that it countinues! i am happy to have fans here even when i do not have a.c.....what lj's can you think of...and what downers to the day do you want to share also.....................

3rd time trying

to publish a post so am trying again. Yesterday and part of today was rough due to physical pain. It seems better a bit this evening....laying down helps the pain. I have to wait until Brian cames to take the trash out. I SO appreciate that my home group is so helpful to me. I had a good session with Nan today. She now has a frog named Mac who is so cute and busy and liked to be held and well makes me want to have a frog or two. Nan's sons each have one....and on the weekend Mac goes home to play with the other frogs. I think it would be fun with not much work but my concern is if I happened to drop him or her and Gracie gets it. I cannot even afford to have a frog right now but sure is fun to play with Mac when I see her.: )
I was bummed to know that on Saturday evening when I was at church (which I knew I was to be) my cousin Brian was in town and saw Mom but I missed seeing him. He comes to this area from time to time since his niece and her family live in a town about 45minutes from here. We have not been in contact in years nor with his siblings either so we have been emailing back and fourth and getting to know each other more.
I am trying to stay out of bed until a bit later so that I don't just sleep for lots of hours and there are some shows that I like to watch so even if I stay awake to watch them I will get a long night sleep. I see my doctor tomorrow to see if she will give me an rx for the home health aide and need to get an rx from her.....I am blessed to have a very nice doctor who is full of wisdom. I think I am going to try to unwind and try to settle down and watch some t.v. It has been a good day.

Yummy and Quick....

I decided to experiment with the nutrition power...so i made some diet pudding so with the milk and the milk is what 80 calories. ....i stirred in a half portion of the poweder and so that would have been 50 calories and stirred and stirred so it became kind of like pudding and kind of like a frosty and it was really yummy and below 200 calories. I then knew I should have more than that so when I got to church I had three mini muffings....also yummy. I ate around 9:45 a.m. and now I am starting to get hungry and it is four hours later so that is good that it kept me full thta long. I am going over to Mom's to eat and will probably eat around 3:30 or so ...i think i need something small to tide me over till then........not sure what though a protein bar sounds good to me....so does oatmeal.....hmmmmm what to have.
it is a sunny day and it is so good to have a day when there no rain, j hope that everyone has a good and peacefull day,

I believe in that God..............

sets up divine appointments. I realized that when I got off my bus at church last night..(the church that I used to go to and now go to a plant from the church) so I got off the bus and there is a young man..who i will say j so to keep some anominity....he has been coming around to church and the small group that I go to...He is a sweet young man just has a heap of things going on in his life and j is trying to turn back to God and to stay sober. So.............I have been praying for him and gave him a book to read and it kind of seems to be like I am kind of like a mom figure to him is what God wants me to do......................so all of that to say I saw him at church and he had a really hard week....a friend of his also young he was 22 died due to an overdose. J i will say seeks prayer and is so open to what is going on in his life. I admire him for that. I think and others see that when this season of his life is over that he would be great with working with teens and such since he has been there and done that. The church service was great enjoyed hearing the new worship pastor and seeing some people who I have not seen for awhile. I did not get to talk to j afterwords becuse he was getting some prayer upfront and I had to leave so I could get my ride. So that is what I meant about divine appointment so that I could be there when j was struggling and prayed for him before and during the service...and I realized that I to some of the younger people probably seem like a mom to them. God is good. God loves us so much even when we screw up or are in deep with feelings and such............God is faithful

not much new..................

with me right now. i know for many people it was a day off work but for me it was just another day... not complaning just explaining. i slept SO good last night! gracie also slept great last night too! i had an doctor appointment with dr weiss it went greate and the only change is taking me off one of the medications that i took for years but now it makes me sick to take it so i took myself off of it...we had tried taking it to half a dose and then still was making me sick so i stoped it and so that was fine with me. the doctor is such a good doctor and listens to me and vice versa. i want to make everyone who reads this that i do not just change my medications without checking with the doctors and with this medication he and i had talked about it before.
i wanted to ask those of you who pray to pray for a woman brenda who is really struggling right now she could sure use some peace and calmness...i do not want to share more since it is her story and plus i do not want to out her in blogger land.
tonight i am going to the big cooper road vineyard to visit. i have not been theere exceot for a concference in about a year. one couple is leaving in august to start a church overseas. they will do a great job at it! eric and julia are dear people and were there with me during some of the reallly hard times i had...i am NOT thinking of going back just am hoping that i will see them and also want to meet or hear the new worship leader..........in a crowd as big as cooper road is which is like seven plus thousand worship is wow an incredible excperience being with that many people and worshioing and then also worshiping in your own heart and mind what is says to do say raise hands or pray internally or pray for someone............i am hoping that i can get a nap sometime before i leave tonight. hope that everyone can find a little joy and a little bit of peace and please pray for brenda that she will find at least a bit of peace and a little joy.

: ( case manager blues

I had a meeting with Al my case manager today. Al is a good man and is a great case manager...AND now it looks like he is going onto another job. the turnover in this field is really high. i thought he would stay for a long time and so did he but this job came open and so far he is the only person who applied and he had one interview and has another one coming up soon. it is SO RARE to find a good case manager and one who knows what he or she is doing. i am already sad and i just found out today. i think that i covered it well when he told me but i told him the closer that it got to time for him to leave the more reactions i would share with him. i just left a message with nan. i know that she will not get it till monday but wanted to make sure that i told her....i think if i let myself i could cry right now over it all.
it will a nice diversion going over to mom's to watch the fireworks and not have to deal with the noise and turn on the t.v. that plays music to go along with the fireworks. i must be kind of hungry because i started to talk about sandwiches i saw on t.v. ha ha ha
hope that you all enjoy your evening............peace.

thursday.........designer whey

i tried the product designer whey and it was not horrible but not wonderful but i think that i can deal with it if i do it in like 3 ounces of milk and use it as a suppliment but not as a meal replacer. i am eager to see how it works. i think it will be good to drink about a half hour before i eat to help me eat less.
today is a busy day for me! i have two appointments and then here where i live they have a huge celebration with parade and lots of things to do and then fireworks....it is such a huge crowd even if i could walk around it would be too many people! the fireworks are incredible! my mom lives in a high rise that faces downtown and we can see them really really well from her balcony! it makes it so nice to be able to see them and not be in the mess of it all last year some of the family came but since they all live out of town and with gas prices and such it will be just me and mom but that will be alright. it rained some so am hoping it will dry up so that the fireworks can happen.
i drank the suppliment and already i am feeling fall. i had reversed what i should have done and drank it before eating my pbj but forgot about it until i saw the cannister and decided to try it but i think for sure that with as fast as it works and how even though the taste is not great it is doable especially when i mix it with just 3 ounces of milk. it kind of reminds me of ovaltene type drink. it is kind of expensive so i think that i will decide what meal to have it before and drink it once a day.....maybe in the evening when i get the munchies...or in the morning for pre breakfast since it is hard for me to eat that meal so if i do the drink and just something small than and then eating something really small like half of a pbj sandwich or a yougurt or such or maybe a banana or ?? anyone have ideas? well my ride should be here soon so more later on probably after the fireworks...

wednesday afternoon.....food

i have been pondering how life is changing for me in good ways but even when things are good i do not do great with change. i think that i mentioned that some people were here a few weeks ago and did lots of things for my place...still needs painted and the tub fixed but from the way it was to today is a total change.....a new stove and oven...a new bed.... carpet up.....some of the furniture gone.....all needed and good things yet it is a change. it is a change that i have really done well at keeping up with the picking up things and doing the small chores that i can do. i have even twice did some mopping with one hand on the mop and the other one holding my cane. it is not greaet but it does get some of it cleaned. the other change is that i have been going to bed earlier and getting up earlier so the whole schedule change...another good one has me trying to decide what to do when etc....today this morning i mopped as i said...made some phone calls that needed to be made...read the bible and spent some time in prayer and singing....made my list for the grocery and left it at home......
mom and i got together and ate fish sandwiches from mcdonalds and cones from the dq...quite a yummy lunch! i then went to krogers for the pop sale and it was $11.00 for five yes five cartons of pop and it could be coke or pepsi products...one had to buy five to get the deal....with that deal i ended up saving $14.50! we then went to aldis and then to trader joes...i got many good deals and some rather yummy looking things. it is amazing the great deals that one gets at trader joes and how friendly and helpful all the people are who work there. i think that i am stocked up for awhile now for which i am grateful. i like doing a day of shopping even though i kind of pay for it with my leg pain but to get lots of things and know that it will be weeks till i need to shop again except for milk and some perishables.
i got this suppliment that can be used like as a meal replacment or drink just like 3 ounces of it with water or milk before a meal to help not overeat...it is full of vitamins and things that are good for us...i think that i am going to try to drink it for breakfast and start out drinking it one time a day. a man who lives at the same apartment building uses it and is diabetic and it has helped him lose weight and to keep his sugar alright so that is another reason i wanted to try it. i am not a big milk drinker at all but i can handle 3 ounces of milk with this. i also liked it because even though it is $11.00 it is much less than some of the other ones i have seen plus it has some ideas of like drinking it as a meal....drinking it as a snack....drinking it like a half hour before you eat and such. my mom was kind to buy it for me since i only had my ebt card and it is not covered by it. it is a large can so i am sure it will do me awhile and then later on this month when i get my check and if i like it i think that i will stock up on it when i shop later on.
this week has been the week about food. i think except when it comes to ice cream i am doing much better....not binging which is a huge thing for me not to be doing...actually kind of funny that going over with nan what i have been eating and she said that i need to eat more during the day and not be eating so much ice cream. i am making some goals for myself for july

1. drink more water 2. eat less ice cream
3 drink pop without caffaine most of the time and if drink other make sure that they are dietl

anyone want to share about his or hers ups and downs of food?