my life with ed....................

has not been going so well. i started again today keeping track of what i eat and how much....my friend e is going to be doing the same thing. my binges have been less but the overeating is still often. i want to make it a goal to not eat in front of the t.v. at night. it is amazing how much one can eat without realizing how much food it is. i am determined to start this blog again with the directions of my sharing about my food addictions and hoping others will share his or her ups and downs about eating disorders and addictions. i am craving protein today which typically means that i have not been eating enough protein....so protein bars and now pretzels dipped in peanut butter............yummy.
my pain level has been really intense this weekend and today. i need clean so am cleaing just a few minutes and then taking a break and i am at least getting a few things done. i am going to go clean for a bit and then break again. i might take a nap since sleep has been awkard and off and on.

Mom's Birthday Celebration

Today I took mom out for lunch for her birthday and we had a really nice time. Yesterday she got together with my sister and a friend for lunch and had a really nice time. Yesterday was her birthday and she got lots of calls and cards and some flowers so she really enjoyed it and she said that she liked it better than if we had given her a party which we have done in the past. Tonight I am having dinner with my friend E and even though it has been a busy day it will be great to spend tme with her..we always seem to have great conversations and such.
I had a regular coke for the first time in weeks! I think that I drank it early enough so that it won't bother me tonight. I will drink water with my meal.Tomorrow I have two appointments so with mainstream rides and appointments it is going to be a busy day. I leave home around 10:45 a.m. and then most likely get home around4:00 p.m. I always need to remember to have some snacks with me since it is a long day. I am thinking of making a pbj to take with me and a protein bars and perhaps some fruit anc of course some pop. Hope that you all are having a good day.

quiet few days...........................................

it has been a few quiet days here for me. i would be sick and then feel better and then the next day feel not so good. i am really tired today but i think that i am over the crud that is going around. i sure hope that i am! today is my mom's 80th birthday! she went to visit my sister today with a good friend of her's today. tomorrow we are celebrating by going out for some great coffee and goodies. she prefers gifts like getting together or getting coffee or lotion and such. i am looking foward to spending time with her. we always seem lately to have some really good times together...especially on sundays which is when we go out to eat for a late lunch (less crowds but still lunch prices) and then we run our errands for the week and most of the time we get everything done.
gracie is feeling better....but everytime when i talk to her and mention her behind she automatically sits down like you are NOT touching my behind! she then most of the time will get up and i will put her cream on her.i think she is feeling better today so have not given her aspirin...perhaps as the day goes along i will see how she is doing. she has been quiet today sleeping on and off...i think she is a tired pup like me.
about food...i am determined to start eating more fruit! i am not nor have i ever been a fruit fan..i do not like mushy things which alot of fruit is. i did eat a banana yesterday and today. i ate a expensive but good apple. i prefer really crisp and tart apples and so got 3 when i was at the store last week....as i said they were expensive but wow the one i ate was really great!
is there an aldi's where you live? it so what do you think of it? i am more impressed each time i go there...good deals...sure one is not always sure what is going to be there except for some of the regular items but the specials are really good..mom gets really good fruit and veggies there.i have not tried the meat yet but my nephew tells me it is good. IF i did not drink pop for almost everything i could shop at giant eagle...trader joes...and aldi's i think. i really like all of the stores. i am NOT one who likes the giant stores where as my mom says you can buy your groceries and your undies all in the same store...i know that they have good prices i just also cannot walk around the stores much at all! oh i do also like target plus they have an area one can sit down and rest and get something to drink...the target store that i go to has a star bucks in it which is good. reminds me i had at borders today a caremel latte with a bit of hazelnut syrup and the guy put some whipped cream on it and it was yummy! i always tell myself that a latte is a good way of my getting milk since i am not a milk drinker and have never been one.
here is another question for those few who read my blog....if you like latte's what is your favorite flavor? if not latte's what is your favorite coffee drink or are you not a coffee drinker?

tmi gracie

i think both gracie and i are feeling better. i slept thru the night which is unusual for me. gracie slept thru the night too which is not a surprize because she tends at night to sleep when i sleep and is awake when i am awake. she is enjoying the cooler day out on the patio and i am enjoying having the door open.
she was NOT a happy dog yesterday afternoon and late evening! i had to take her to the vet and will not go into all of the details but i have to put some cream on her bottem (not fun for her or i) and then for pain give her an aspirin. so...finally with much nipping (not to hard) and barking i got the cream on her and got wise after a few tries of getting her to swallow the aspirin i hid it in some wet food and she ate it all including the aspirin. she settled down and was like hmmm that cream makes me feel better mom and then the aspirin took effect and she was a much happier dog.....but today of cours most of the time if i am walking by her she sits down like no you are not even looking at my behind today! i might get wiser today and give her the aspirin first and then wait till it kicks in to try to give her the cream. o.k. probably tmi about my dog and her rear end but that is what is going on with me.
the lights went out today just for about a half hour. i was proud of myself because i did not freak. i called and was kind and then read some and tried to pray some and then it was not too long until they came back on. it is amazing how much we as americans do with electricity! my home is all electric,
guess what? i gave graice food with the aspirin in it and she ate it all up AND then she let me put her cream on without trying to bite me or anything she just stood there. i guess it must really help and feel better to her. i am so glad. i do not like it at all and feel so sad when she is in pain.
well going to try to think of something more exiting than gracie and her sore bum.

Feeling Better I think

I think that I am feeling somewhat better. I still have the aches and chills...sometimes it is hard to tell which are my regular aches and such. I think since it is that down right tired aches that I still have the flu. I missed my session with Nan today because of not feeling good. It is a bummer because I had things that I wanted to talk to her about. I really like to have a list ready of things that I need to talk to her about.
I had a message last night from W an ex of mine. We have not talked in years. I am not sure if I am going to call back or not even though I am interested in what is going on in her life. I just am not in the space to want to start hanging out together lots...and for sure I do not want to start dating W again.
I am having a slow start to my day...then it gets busy with having to take Gracie to the vet to have her rear end shaved (sorry if tmi) then I have to go shopping but since I have the flu not much in the way of food sounds good but am sure by tomorrow or saturday I will be back wanting to eat like I do. Mom is taking me on my errands....and we had decided earlier this wek to go shopping today and I do not like it when I ask to change it since she is taking her time out of her day for me. We had planned on going to go look at washer and dryers today but decided with not feeling good we would wait..........another time I will write about my phobia at shopping for large appliances and the pressures that the sales people can give...one guy last week gave me his cell phone number so that if i decided after I left I could call him and he would make sure that we would get it.
well i think this is quite the boring post about my day...i think that i am going to fix mysef a cup of hot tea and make my list for the store.

: (

I have the flu....YUCK! I just talked to one of the dispatch people at Project Mainstream to cancel my rides and he had the flu for FIVE days! I have pop so that is good. I took the last Pepto Bismal. My stomach is not upset much anymore i am tired. I am craving salty things....it will have to be popcorn if I eat salty since I do not have crackers right now. I think that except for being sore and sleepy the othre symptoms have stopped. I hope so. I know it is weird when one is not feeling good what sounds good...a thin crust pizza sounds good. IF I do order a pizza I might see if the delivery person would go next door to Walgreens and get some items for me if I tip him well. The Walgreens is just next door to the apartment complex. It would be great to have some crackers and some Pepto Bismal to have in case I need it again. It has rained all night and all day so far...it is that fall cold rain. What is it about rain that is so calming to go to sleep and wake up with hearing it? I am NOT talking about storms.
I think that I am going to head back to bed for a nap and try to persuade Gracie to go with me. Gracie slept all night with me last night. She was one sleepy girl and even slept when I got up for a little while. She is such a comfort. I have been trying to cut back on giving her not as many treats and also not as much food. The vet says she should lose some weight. I cut back on some items so that she can still have those little chew bones because she likes them SO much and they keep her teeth in good shape...........talking about that I need to put some in her bowl. I have tried something that my case manager does and that is to feed her dogs green beans with some bites of chicken and less dry dog food. I tried it once with Gracie and she loved it so I think that I am going to have to make that more for her.
Well I think Gracie wants to go out even though it is raining and then I think that I am going to head to bed again................

Yummy coffee

I am leaving here soon to meet with Kristy my case manager. We are meeting at Borders bookstore and I am going to enjoy a yummy coffee drink and perhaps a cookie or two or might get a sandwich. They have good food. I try to not spend too much money there since I now there once a week and like to get a treat even if it is a coffee like a latte or mocha. I am REALLY trying to stretch my money ! I hope that I can spread one month's money into two months. It is hard for me to do this but I really am wanting to do MUCH better at this so hoping that with my trying to encourage myself I can do this.
I want to also spread out what I spend for groceries. I am in a habit of eating pbj's which at first I got in the habit money wise after losing so much food from being without lights from the storm for a week but now I am really liking them and eating them once a day either part of breakfast or sometimes for dinner or a snack. Mom had gotten me grape jelly which i really like even just jelly bread tastes good to me. What kind of jelly do you enjoy? I will blogl later on most likely to share what goodies I had.....this is an lj for today....playing with gracie....emailing some folks who i have needed to do....computer working is a big joy....cool and sunny day......
back from having a coffee which i got was a mocha and then i treated myself even more and let myself get a wonderful sandwich. it was really good but not something that i want to spend my money on each week...i would rather spend it on a few things and not just one sandwich each week which if i did get it each week at the end of the month i would have spent about $20! there are many things i can get for that amount of money. i think that i will stick to getting the good coffee drink. i would like to get to know the names of the people who work at the cafe since they are starting to know mine just from my friend and i talking. i am horrible at knowing names and remembering them it is embarrassing to me yet it is something that i have trouble with all of my life and...someone i know says if you say there name five times when you are talking to them one is more likely to remember it. john says it helps him remember names better that way. mom is bringing to me some laundry...the washer does not rinse and the dryer does not work so mom is blessing me that we do not have to go to the laundry mat. it is actually easier for her so she does not have to leave home and come get me and go to a laundry mat and wait and such. this way she can do them at her apartment complex when she wants to do them and then will just bring them over sometime when she is out and/or has some other things she wants to bring over to me. she is amazing! i do not know many people who are her age and are so active! she has a birthday next week and she is looking foward to it.....m is going to have a friend of mom's and mom come to her place and show the friend downtown where they live and the loft that they live in.....mom and i are going to go get fancy coffee and split a dessert or two. it should be fun. mom likes doing these sorts of things since she does not need things to decorate and liked to buy her own clothing and those sorts of things. i hope that everyone is having a good day....anyone want to share his or her favorite coffee drink and/or do you prefer just regular coffee?

errands ran...............

It is a pretty fall day and I got all of my errands ran. The medicine kicked in so my legs were alright until like the last half hour. I got my hair cut for which I am so happy about. I am so happy it is hard to describe that it is October and I am doing really good as far as the bipolar and the d.i.d. goes. I am so thankful...it helps too taking the prn medication once a day right now too. It is times like these when I want to cry since I am so relieved that things are going good. Thank you God too!!!

Sunday..................

i did not go to church today...it was a rough night with my pain. i was kind of dreading trying to go up and down just the very very few steps that i woud have to use. i knew too it is the day that mom typically takes me to run some errands and i really need to push myself to do some of these errands. i should have pushed myself to go to church. i am always bummed when i miss and the decision was made when i was half asleep half awake and leg screaming in pain. it seems a bit better now with having taken my pain medication and motrin. i did remember to eat something because motrin and the pain medication on a empty stomach does not do well. i was going to go to the library today but still have two books to read so i think that i will take it off of my list for today. i am eager to go back and read some books that i read lots when i was a kid. i was an AVID reader when i was a kid! i would go get five books out at the library read them and then go back the next week...i tend to be a fast reader plus even faster as an adult because of a class on speed reading i took. my first grade teacher her goal was to have every kid like to read by the end of the year.she let kids bring in comic books or whatever subjects a child was interested in...what a gift she gave to us all that for me and i hope others has continued on.
i am still doing really great not drinking caffeine free. i think it will be harder to not drink coffees and such with caffeine as it gets colder....but i can get caffeine free latte's which are yummy with hazelnut and then i typically get the sugar free hazelnut and with skim milk and then treat myself with them adding some caramel syrup on top of it. i also have found that if i ask them to add in the sugar substitute while they are making the drink it mixes in much better and tastes much better.....so readers what kind of coffee drinks do you like or do you not like them and just prefer regular coffee or teas?

beautiful day.............

quite fallish. i had a good day going over to my mom's for soup and pumpkin pie. what great fall food. i voted absentee today and was glad to get that done. i got a bonas in my monthly check of what is mine to spend....not my ssd check just the part of it that i get after my payee pays my bills for the month. i am happy about that because i could use it with needing to get my hair cut and mom has a birthday this month.
my pain level yesterday was so bad that i did not go to my group last night. i was asleep off and on last night. today it was better and then it started getting worse again. i am going to try to stay up for longer than i did last night and even with the pain perhaps than i will sleep better.
gracie is enjoying the fallish weather and is in her mood again to play baby (chase the toy and want me to wrestle her for it etc....and then throw it for her to catch) it was so cute i thought today when i said wheres the baby she came running over to me...: ) i do call her my baby sometimes. it was one of those times i wish that i had a camera and could have taken our picture.
not much is new with me just wanted to check in and say hi..and i am glad to have my computer back and working is for sure for me a large joy.