EXTREMELY weary...................

Last night was one of the worst one that I have experienced lately. I am SO FRUSTRATED that I had really horrific hallucinations going on to the point I was trying to think of who I could call at 3:00 a.m. to take me to the E.R. - I did not want to go into the hospital was just hoping for a shot to help calm me down and to slow or end the hallucinations. Tomorrow I have an appointment with Nan my therapist and then my psychiatric doctor. I sure am hoping that I do not have to go on higher doses of any medications due to the hallucinations and hoping that last night is not starting a cycle.
It seems like as I look back on some of my posts that I often say that I have lots that I want to share yet am too tired to do it at that time and again I am feeling that way lots that i want to share but am so tired and need to focas on unwinding especially since tomorrow morning is one of the days I have to get going very early. But for now I will share a few words on some things..............I really liked meeting Courtney and her mom at the shower. I think truly she and my nephew Brendan were made for each other....Last night was the binge eating support group and there were lots of people and I think it was a good meeting.....Nancy blessed me with a bracelet that sayss self control which is one of the fruits of the spirit and she shared how it helped her when she was getting ready to binge and such to stop for a moment and pray and or journal so I think it will be a blessing for me also......some of my couisns are going to be in the city where I live this weekend and want to get together with mom and I and I think that I am not going to go since it has been years since I have talked or seen most of the them and I guess I just am too embarrassed to see them and have so much crap going on with me..unemployed.....weight issues.....mental illness issues....well alright going to think of some lj's and head to bed I think............lj's for today....I bought myself a blender that has the cup that is like 16 ounces that is like a travel mug if you want to make say a smoothie to take with you...enjoying reading another book by Dee Henderson....enjoyed talking with Ryan the pharmacist where I get my medications at. He is so kind and helpful and wise and has a great personality....been trying to spend more time outside even if it is on my patio reading......found some clothing that I could not remember where I put it....this is an lj from yesterday but got the beautiful wedding announcement for Brendan and Courtneys wedding and it looks like it is going to work for Jordan to drive Mom and I to and from the wedding. It will be a win win situation for all of us since I no longer drive and I do not want Mom to drive to a big city she has not been to in years and Jordan is like most of us really tight with money right now so he is going to drive and Mom and I will pay for gas and for meals and such on the way down and back....
Oh one more thing...I had this week a HUGe ahaa moment where I was able to link someting that is going on with some thoughts of mine that I did not think were connected but they are.....not trying to be avasive just hard to explain............peace.............