Lonely and Tired and Mental Illness

I am realizing that with the chaos going on in my life in many areas and especially with the mental illness(s) that i am fighting exhaustion physically and emotionally and mentally...so I think that I am going to eat something somewhat healthy and settle onto my couch with a book and hopefully a nap. I am really isolating but really need not to be doing that right now. I started this post yesterday yet ended up deleting much of it today. I went to bed crying and woke up crying. I again had problems with COTA and my pass....I had many problems today with my mom.....and it hurts and is so discomboluating to me that people who have never met me in person or people who get paid to help me know more about myselves and seem to care more about myselves than family. I am stunned still when I cried out to someone letting her know how bad things were and the only response was oh you would never do that...........so I am back inside my place and cannot stop crying and my therapist is out today and i left a message for my case manager to call if he could this afternoon but with it being already 3:30 p.m. I doubt if he can do that....I see my psychiatric doctor tomorrow and work with the children on Sunday and besides that plan to coccoon at home with Gracie and read books and play on the computer....I see Nan my therapist on Monday and am wondering if I will end up in the hospital again. I am thinking of getting buzzed tonight it sounds really really good right now but am trying to remember it would mess up lots of things for a temporary fix. I feel crappy lately just sharing that life is hard but this blog is a place where I can be honest and people do not say oh you do not feel that way etc.............lj's for today....Gracie my dog who I adore and who adores me.....Ben & Jerrys Cookie Dough Ice Cream in the freezer....my computer working.....