sunday afternoon

It is still a really rough time right now. I did end up erasing the post that i wrote yesterday thinking after i wrote it i felt like i shared too much....and things that might be hard for people to understand. i went to the pharmacy this afternoon and even though i got the card in the mail yesterday (medicaid) there is still a problem with getting my medications so right now i am still completely out of pain medication which is really x 1000 crappy! i have a very high tolerance for pain so when i hurt it is major pain...i am thinking of taking some trazedone just to hopefully calm down some.....though it is supposed to to help with sleep and i do not use it anymore for that since it was not good at helping me get to sleep so is kind of the addict in me i think wanting to get out of this emotional and physical pain that i am in right now. i am so x 1000 glad that my therapist is back in town tomorrow!!! i am also so glad that i have an appointment with her scheduled for her tomorrow. i hope to kind of "numb" out by reading or watching t.v. i think it would help if i try to remember h.a.l.t. which stands for hungry..angry....lonely...tired which is something that is talked about in 12 step meetings so that when one is either hungry or angry or tired or lonely that one is more prone to use so since right now i am all of those i think that i will get something to eat.....and then maybe journal or something and then probably watch television or read and try to relax....