another really rough day...............

i keep crying and crying and crying and crying and my mind keeps going and going and going and going and i am starting to hallucinate both visual and oral ones and i keep within my mind it keeps going and going and going and going on the same subjects one is math problems or missing will and being really scared that he is not our therapist anymore or that i think that i am really close to having to go in the hospital and wtihout will here and with my new therapist off with pneumonia that i would have to go thru the e.r. which takes so so much time and it is not the best place to be the e.r. when having an emotional breakdown which sounds funny i know but is especially hard when they do not give you any medications to help while there waiting to know if you will get in and if you do often times it is a wait of a few hours and such. i am going to my group tonight and it will be hard to be out of my place but i think it will in the end be a good choice or i hope so. i argued with mom today which i feel like such a creep for but when i am in these whatevers going on i am bitchy often times with people who i know are going to be there no matter what it seems. food has been bad today....the only thing that i have eaten is raw cookie dough...and oh no i have not cleaned which my place is desperate for.....tomorrow i have an appointment with cory my career developer so have a couple of ideas but will try to look online tonight or tomorrow to see what job ads i can spot....my mom found a tip for my cane at a drugstore today so that will help me...i just need to go with her or have her take my cane to make sure we get the size i need. thats it for now...........