Friday afternoon ramblings....

this week has been really busy for me....tomorrow i do not have any plans except cleaning and laundry and sleeping. it has been one of my times of not sleeping much at all! i think it is a combination of lots on my mind....lots of things going on with people that God will bring to mind to pray for....lots going on with me with looking for work and transitions such as yesterday saying good bye to rachel who was my career developer and job coach. i am thrilled for her because she is leaving ohio to move to seattle to get married. she has been so helpful and supportive and i will miss her....yesterday my phyical pain got intense again and has stayed more acute which always makes it more difficult to get to sleep and then stay asleep...i find myself these days crying every day at least once and often more....trying to not judge myself and just allow myself to feel the sadness and fear and such and then often times when i allow myself to do that then it passes for a bit....been playing phone tag with my good friend john so hoping to talk to him this weekend....often times God will lay on one's mind and heart things that the other is going thru and then God will use the person to speak some word from God which wow it amazes me how God the maker of the universe....Savior....and with all the things going on in the world will speak to His people to bless him or her or show how much He cares...
i am in a time spiritually where i feel so unworthy and that i am not doing enough and i need to read more...pray more...give more...share more...and my prayers have been to God that i know i need and deep deep down want to do more and that i am trying...and the word that John left on my voicemail is that God wanted me to know that He knows I am trying. i do find myself trusting more though that even though i really do not know when i will get a job...how the transition to a new therapist will be...how much my heart and soul longs to deal better with my eating disorder and to lose weight....to be more social...that God knows all of these things and has it in control....and I need to keep on taking one step at a time it seems and calling on Him for i am weak and He is strong!