4 hours of sleep..............

last night and so the not sleeping much at all is continuing. I have not slept a whole night since last monday! i slept like 2 hours on tuesday and wednesday and thursday and friday and then on saturday i slept none....the new medication did not do a thing. i tried last night taking some night time tylenol with my meds and not sure if it did anything or not...perhaps that is why i slept 4 hours. i am frustrated about the job situation...found a couple that would be great for me with the type of work and hours and such but they are in areas where i would not get rides to easily and would have to take cabs some and the places are about 20 minutes from where i live so that is way too expensive plus with no money right now could not do that anyway. it is hard these sleepless nights because of with the bipolar my mind keeps going and going and going and then i do alright for awhile and then usually crash and when i crash i crash hard meaning often end up in the hospital. i am seeing signs that i am headed that way which bothers me lots. i am really trying to pray more and ask God to help keep me together...tonight when i go to my small group from church i am hoping to be able to get some prayer that is if i am brave enough to share with people what is going on. a fellow blogger is having trouble sleeping and walks lots and when i was reading his blog today it reminded me of myself when i younger and before i broke both ankles...i remember walking late at night and such. i just remembered how a roomate of mine years ago lived about 3 or 4 miles from campus and often times on a weekend evening we would walk to the southern edge of campus so about another mile or so and stop in every bar and then walk back home....we did not drink at every bar but would want to check out who was there and such. Hmmm I wonder how Jan is...last time I saw her which was years ago she was not well at all. I wonder actually if she is still alive or if her drug use has caught up with her.