Holiday Celebrations

I was really surprized this year because in the group situation I did fine and no panic attacks or no "time outs" (when I allow myself to take a break alone) when I was at my sister's home with 20 of us there It being celebration of Jesus it is not about the presents yet it was such a delight to watch the kids and teens open their gifts...Katie who is two was so thrilled with Dora the Eplorer items....between gifts from grandparents and great grandma and me she got a dvd a bacpack that had Dora the explorer talking and a book about Dora

My brother in law cooked the dinner on Christmas Eve and did a great job! It was the first year in 35 years that mom did not host it...she was kind of sad but enjoyed herself. She did make the desserts which were awesome! She has always been a greeat cook and the bringint the deserts made her feel better..she made 3 pies..one regular pecan pie...one with cream cheese and it was also a pecan pie...a cream pie...date nut pudding made without nuts since a few people have allergies..oreo balls...oh and a chocolate cake that the recipe is from the depression and does not have eggs or milk or real butter. Mom was reminded us that durig the depression one had to ration those items.

I was blown away and feel very blessed and spoiled. I got gift cards to places like for Borders bookstore...Target....Walgreens....and to a resturant. I had asked for gift cards so it will be fun to go shopping. I am trying to tell muself to buy something out of those gift cards that will be for fun and not tjhings that are the day to day things. Mom and I celebrated on Christmas day for her and I the gifts that we got for each other....I got many things for her at Dollar Tree but she really was thrilled to get a new puzzle book and slipper socks and a new date book etc....and one of the main thing that she wanted for Christmas is good fancy coffee...so I got her a pound of coffee from Borders which is called seattle best. Mom also got coffee on Christms Eve and some gift cards. I was blown away with her as her usual getting me lots of gifts. She always says it is because I am single and the rest of the family has family....so again I was blessed and felt spoiled. She got me some gift cards and took the time to go to a favorite pizza place that I like and it is not a chain so they made out two pieces of paper that are gift cards. One thing that I really was needing was a new coffee pot so that was good and kind of funny she got me a pound of the same kind that I have gotten for her. We opened on Christmas afternoon and then with a family friend went out to eat

It was great to see my nephews and familys....oldest nephew J was good and it was nice that his wife C did not have to work and all of the kids were there...next oldest J was there with the four kids and it was bittersweet knowing that T wants a divorce and the kids are hers not theres but the kids and he consider him dad...so hoping that we can see still see them from time to time. B and MB were there an they are doing well and stay really busy with the recording studio and that is B's main source of income also he teaches guitar at the college he went thru...MB teaches music in grade school and does piano lessons and sells I think it is called Aveda a really expensive make up and lotions and such. B and C were there still seeming like newlyweds. They are doing well. We were all wondering how C would do since she is an only child and not used to 20 some people also she had not been introduced to the people who did not get to go to the wedding. She said she was really exited and having a good time.

Mom and I left early enough to go to the service at her church. We were late to that as we were late to my sister's. She is having more trouble with driving and it seemed like with directions also...so I would say we need to go this way and she would go the other way and then say oh you right. The drive should have taken 45 minutes to one hour and it took us almost two hours. I prayed for patience and for protection.I was glad that we got to church to hear part of the message.

I am feeling so great about the holidays and how well I got thru them usually I get anxiety and panic attacks and such but did not have that this year I decided to be me which means yes I wore clean clothes but wore what was comfy for me...and so did all of the adults except mom amd MB did the same. Only one time did I find myself a bit anxious but was able to think of some blogger buddies and other people in aa and na and got thru it.......i will make a new post just about that sometime soon. Let me say though thatI did NOT end up using or drinking.

lj's for today....the temperature is about 40...of course gracie.....happy there is a computer lab so i do not have to just sit and wait for the time mainstream will be picking me up...finding out that bvr is going to give me money to buy some clothes and shoes for work. The clothing I have has holes in them and the best pair of pants i have right now are a pair of jeans........lean cuisenthat has some really good dinners that are oriental.....called and left a message for my friend michelle so see if she wants to get together soon.....having some money so that i can get together with her.....tomorrow i have therapy and this week i will only see her once with the holiday but next week i can go back to seeing her twice a week....sleeping good last night i did wake up at 3:15 a.m. and then went right back to sleep. i wonder what in the past that happened around that time because I am thinking that something must happened at that time in the past because nothing happened recently....blogger buddies...

It as wonderful to celebrate the birth Jesus and not have panic attacks and know that it was me that changed because the family has not